I can't sleep. I need to check the lunar calendar to see if we're coming up on a full moon because most often when I can't sleep that is the case. Last night I took 2 benadryl washed down with 2 beers. That should have been enough to knock my ass out for the night and into today. I did fall immediately asleep. And then 1/2 hour later, the phone rang. Then a few hours after that, the cat got into the house and the husband and my other son were in my room hunting him down. Then I was awoken by a mouse eating marshmallows in the garage a few hours after that. I finally gave up at 5:30 and got out of bed.
My mind doesn't seem to be reeling with insane thoughts and nagging comments. My to-do list doesn't seem unreasonably impossible. So I've no explanation for this inability to close my eyes and sleep the night through.
Last evening, the prodigal son and I went to town to pick up his tux for prom, which is Saturday. We had such a great time, chatting in the car, singing to the radio, conversing our way through the 2 hour process it took to pick up a pre-ordered rental tux that cost more than the average purchased suit. What a racket! And I intended to use the time alone with him to have a little come to Jesus meeting with him and get some things on the table and lay down the law. Things like - get your ass out of bed in the morning. Important shit like that - things he needs to know as he moves into adulthood. But, I didn't want to spoil the moment. I kept having flashbacks to my senior year and how I felt and how I viewed things and how much I wanted my freedom and to be trusted and viewed as a responsible adult. So, in the vein of keeping the peace and enjoying my time with him (which is really so rare), I kept my mouth shut and instead just hung out and listened to HIM.
Maybe that approach will lead to greater peace and he will instantly be cured of his inability to wake up in the morning. That's the enabler in me talking again, by the way. I am guilty of that. Enabling him. Enabling everyone. Making excuses for them, finding the good and convincing myself the good outweighs the bad and it will all magically fix itself one day.
I may have ruined a kid's life this week - but others are trying to convince me that I likely saved the kid's life instead. See - the enabler in me believes the kid should have gotten a break, the guilt of what ultimately happened to him is overwhelming. Maybe that's why I can't sleep?
And also, I am concerned that my earbuds on my iPod are making my ear flap thingies stick out because they are very sore.