Okay, so I did not intentionally set out to bitch about American Idol tonight. But because it's on, I can't leave it alone. Who.the.fuck are these people on here this year? Have they EVER sung a note in their entire life? Is sung even a word? I don't know anymore. This show has me so frazzled that I can't even think straight. I ought to turn it off. I really should. It's not worthy of my time. The *talent* is atrocious this year.
The judges are currently fawning all over Lee - singing some horrible song, pretending to play a guitar and WHAT.THE.FUCK a Scottish bagpiper shows up in the middle of the routine - huh? Why? And why are they telling him he's good. He's NOT good. He sucks. Someone please just tell him the truth. It's so much easier to remove the bandaid when you just rip it off and get it over with. Quit stringing this talentless idiot along and give it to him straight.
Who the hell is the Mexican dude? Andrew or something? Guitterez, Garcia, something like that. Looks like Charlie the Tuna and SUCKS. And Siobhan? (That's pronounced Chavon for those of you who weren't in the know on that). WRETCHED. Everytime that geeky assed girl gets up to sing I want to scratch my eyeballs out and drive an ice pick into my left ear. I love how she takes off her glasses to sing, but immediately returns them to their spot to talk to the judges. What the hell is that? You're not being judged on your nerd factor. It's like watching some significantly horrible tween movie where the star is some awkward four-eyed goober who tricks everyone into thinking she's a beauty and then at the homecoming assembly, puts her glasses on and they're all like, "OH.MY.GOD! I had no idea it was Queen Geek!" Just leave the glasses on - Charlie the Tuna does and he still ekes by every week.
If it weren't for Bowersox, I wouldn't watch the show. And I typically don't. I typically DVR it and watch ONLY her. There. A 2 hour show condensed to 3 minutes. It fits better in my schedule that way and also my ears do not bleed as much.
And while I'm bitching about reality (?) TV - DWTS comes to mind. Seriously, Kate Gosselin - WHAT.THE.FUCK is wrong with you? You dance horribly. And you act like a damned fool when you realize how awful you are. It's like you just cannot stand to be bad at something - or wrong - or hated. I have stood up for you all these years. I have loved you when everyone else despised you. I have defended the way you spoke to your worthless, lazy, irresponsible whiney-ass husband when others chastised you. But PLEASE for the love of God and little Baby Jesus: TAKE YOUR CAPEZIOS OFF. You suck. Oh - and also, you have cankles - wear a long dress to cover them up. And while you're at it - go back to your reverse mullet - it was so much more befitting of your bitchy personality. This new barbie doll bullshit you're rockin' isn't doing it for me and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to take your side.
That's it. Except that for everything is VERY loud tonight - AUNT FLO alert!