That's my deck. What's left of it. Three days ago it was actually a functional deck complete with safety railings and all the floor pieces. That's before the husband asked "What absolutely MUST be done before graduation?" And we had a long discussion about putting lipstick on the pig and calling it good because we are down to 3 weeks and it's supposed to rain this weekend so really, we have ONE weekend. Originally we were going to re-stain the deck prior to graduation - so it looked all pretty and inviting and such. But then time got away from us and also the money tree hasn't yet bloomed this spring, so we determined we would do the following to the deck:
- Clean it
- Clean the table/glass
- Fix 2 boards that were warped
- Fix the 2-3 pieces of railing that were warped
- Hang an awning that
wehe has in ourhis 40' bus
THAT'S IT. Well, he did not mention to me that #5 above involved a complete fucking de-construct on the deck and also a million dollar investment in what appear to be railroad ties. Ya know, when I saw that I was thinking, What.The.Fuck. This shit would have been good information to fucking share DURING the discussion about the deck. This is not the kind of "surprise" you spring on your over-stressed out wife 3 weeks before a graduation celebration. I'm curious now as to just how fucking big and heavy this awning is? Could we have put it on our roof instead of having the roof replaced? I mean, surely I could have found a more functional use for this giant PURPLE awning? Yes. It's purple.
See, he came to own the awning when he was married to someone else and she had this affinity for purple - all things purple. So everything that resides in that 40' Mary Poppins Bag on Wheels is purple. We've been together almot 10 years and I've yet to see everything in that bus - I bet if I took inventory we'd never have to buy another fucking thing in our lives.
So now - our deck is what you see above. And the steps to the deck now look like this:
Those are shavings and spare parts left over from cutting some boards for the deck deconstruction of 2010. I suggested that a tarp or piece of painter's plastic likely could have saved
us him hours of time on the clean up and asked why on earth he would do that? He's a contractor and remodels other peoples' homes for a living - I KNOW he does NOT do this shit at their house - why does he do it at ours?
Me: Seriously? Why wouldn't you put down a tarp to catch that shit?
Him: What's the big deal?
Me: Well now it's going to be a pain in the ass to get all that shit cleaned up.
Him: I was hoping my dad would do it but he never did.
Me: Likely because he thought it was as fucking stupid as I do that you didn't put down a tarp.
Him: It's not a big deal - I'll just sweep it under the deck
Me: YOU ARE THE BIGGEST HILLBILLY I HAVE EVER MET AS IS EVIDENCED BY YOUR DAMNED BUS.
Purchased with real, not Monopoly money that was worked for, not won, with purpose and intentionally, not as a trade to save your life from Guido the Debt Collector. God help me.