Sunday, February 20, 2011

Plagued by Idiocy

Friday evening the blonde was invited to a birthday party - a skating party.  I knew I wasn't going to like these people the minute I read the invitation and saw the party was on a Friday evening - 5:30-7:30.  Or at least that's how I read the invitation.  I took her over the skating rink and got her settled in - helped her put on her skates, tied them for her, put her shoes in a designated location, etc.  I only saw one other mommy - the branch dividian who had planned this party.  The other kids had their own skate bags, were tying their own skates, etc.   And there I was - helping my 8 year old baby with her skates - hugging her and kissing her and making sure she was going to be okay in my absence.  And she would wave and shout out to the others as she sat while I tended to her.  The other kids would wizz by and give her a lackadazical wave.  And I felt sorry for her.  So awkward.  She lives in an adult world and socializes best with adults.  And here I was - leaving her to this pack of child wolves.  Small versions of humans, who behave like kids and know how to laugh and play and have a good time.  And my little baby - a 40 year old in an 8 year old body.  Poor thing. 

When I got home, I shared with the husband how painful it was to see her - awkward with her peers.  Them, all buddying up with each other and her trying to push her way into their foreign world.  Because the party was ending at 7:30, I sent the husband to retrieve her at 7:10.  Well, evidently the party did NOT end at 7:30 - it had ended at 7:00 - and there had been the branch davidian who planned the party, sitting in the parking lot until 7:30 with my little pumpkin in her car - - -wondering if we would ever show up to retrieve our child.  I looked at the invitation closer - sure as SHIT - that party was only 5:30 - 7:00.  DAMMIT.  COULD I POSSIBLY FUCK UP THIS CHILD'S LIFE ANY MORE?  I knew I was too fucking irresponsible to raise another child at the age of 36.  I just knew it.  And there it was - I had once again put her in the position of being the "odd" child out.  The one with the old parents who can't get shit right.  Oh how painful it is.  I don't know what will become of this child in her teenage years.  I'll probably still be tying her shoes, zipping her coat, forgetting to do anything that prepares her for life. 

On a positive note - I DID drop her and the brunette off at the Bieber movie the other day - and they loved it!  I was tied up with work and the husband was working on the bathroom remodel and I was pretty proud of myself for coming up with the movie idea ALL.ON.MY.OWN.  And the next day, I surprised the blonde by taking her to the zoo!!  She loved that and I was the BEST.MOMMY.EVER.  Those were her words.  BEST.MOMMY.EVER.  Just keep that in mind when you're 25 and you have the flashback of being left at the skating party with branch davidians my love.  You'll need that positive reinforcement when you are plagued with the memories of how much we fucked up your childhood.  Please always remember we did not mean to destroy your life.  Or leave you there.  Or forget other events that were going on around you that caused you to never "fit in".  Honest.  We didn't.

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