Wednesday, February 9, 2011


It snowed again last night - which is really getting quite old.  See.  My car doesn't get around well in the snow.  I didn't pick out the car - the husband did.  And every time I mention trading it for something more practical, he acts hurt.  Like rejecting the car is a rejection of him.  So stupid.  And the more time that elapses with me not driving in the snow - the more out of practice I become and therefore the more fearful of the act I become.  It's a vicious cycle. 

Yesterday I had to attend a meeting all morning in the physical office.  It sucked.  Because it was C.O.L.D. - both outside AND inside.  That conference room was freezing - and my feet were freezing and I was miserable.  Then we went to eat at Jason's Deli - a.k.a. The SHITTIEST restaurant in town.  I.HATE.THAT.PLACE.  There is something about it that just grosses me out.  The atmosphere in and of itself is off-putting to me.  300 tables and chairs crammed into a cold, uninviting room.  It's loud.  It's crowded.  And it's confusing as hell.  Why are there so many fucking choices on the menu?  And they all taste like shit.  When we arrived, I had to go to the bathroom - and found it's a one-holer and I had to wait in line.  For a VERY long time.  And finally the person behind the locked door appeared and it was an employee - and she'd been in there taking a shit.  And I was instantly AGAIN grossed out.  I almost puked. 

I ordered the "famous" salad bar because I was overwhelmed by the menu and couldn't think straight.  The ONLY thing it could possibly be famous for is not having anything to choose from.  It was pathetic.  So I ate my $7 lame salad which consisted of lettuce, spinach, grated cheese, jalepenos and ranch dressing and continued to shiver and freeze my ass off in the uninviting, cold, shitty restaurant.  The plan was to go home, walk on the treadmill, get cleaned up and run back into town to attend a trade show the company was exhibiting at.  But when I got home, I found myself feeling VERY puny and my shoulders were aching and my neck was stiff-  likely all due to the incessant shivering and attempting to keep warm all morning long.  So instead of following the plans as laid, I changed into my jammie pants and curled up in bed for a nice hour long nap.  Shivering is EXHAUSTING.  And when I awoke - it hit me - THAT is exactly how I used to feel when I HAD to go to the office every day  - worn out from being cold.  I NEVER feel like that when I work from home.  NEVER.

We have our heat set at 74 and it's nice and cozy and comfortable in our house.  That's how I like it.  WARM.  Sometimes I even put on shorts to walk on the treadmill - and I pretend it's summer.  And I'm HAPPY and have energy.  I really don't know how people go around in the winter - bundled up in their house - cold and miserable.  To me it's senseless.  Scrimp in other areas of the budget - but don't freeze your fucking family out of their own home.  Anyway - so I was worn out and cold and miserable.  And the remainder of the night I felt like shit.  And then I was angry.  Angry that I had been forced out into the elements - angry that I might have to endure them yet again Wednesday.  And with that - I again felt OUT OF CONTROL. 

I don't like other people or things to dictate to me what the hell I'm going to spend my time doing or forcing me to endure miserable weather.  So this morning, I have decided - I'm NOT going to don a dress and freeze my ass off to attend this tradeshow - it's not necessary that I do.  I'm NOT going to don a dress and freeze my ass off to interview the door knob - she will either interview over the phone or not interview at all.  I'm already happier at the thought of having control over my day.  AND - it's supposed to be 56 a week from today - so I'm already happier with that temperature in the foreseeable future! 

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