Tuesday, February 22, 2011

More Xanax..... please!

After I finished running plodding along on the treadmill yesterday, I was sad to discover that I couldn't even sweat due to my sweat glands and pores being clogged with cheesecake.  M.I.S.E.R.A.B.L.E.  I immediately went in search of that cheesecake, yelling around the house, "Where is that damned cheesecake?  Where did it go?"  Because sometimes cheesecakes fuck with our heads and hide from us and this one was clearly possessed so I was putting nothing past it.  Finally the husband yelled, "I ATE IT!"  Thank GOD.  It's not sitting there taunting me to eat it - one sickening bite after another - bit by bit.  Bite by bite.  Until it's all gone.  I'm sure as hell glad he finished it off.  Maybe now life can get back to some semblance of normalcy.  Whatever the hell that means around here.  Stupid cheesecake.

Last Friday I let the brunette take my car by herself to work.  I figured she'd earned the privilege.  And she did great!  Just like I knew in the bottom of my weary heart she would.  But a few nights ago, I woke up and thought - OMG.  What if some creep saw her and how cute she is and followed her and now knows where she lives?  And from that point forward the thoughts just kept reeling in to the point that it made me sick to think I'd actually let her out of the house alone.  So last night I drove the car to her work and dropped her off.  Because creepers do not follow moms in yoga pants and donning pigtails.  ?  Then, about the time I returned home from dropping her off - two little farts on bikes showed up to see if the blonde could come down to their house to play.  Well, her bike has a flat (I had nothing to do with that).  And the boys live over the river and through the woods and across 12 very busy streets and 5 sets of train tracks   one street over and about 20 houses down.  It's farther than my comfort level in terms of her riding her bike unattended.  Hell, just this fall she rode right in front of a car on the street while she was with me.  Clearly she owns the road. 

It was more than I could deal with - and she was begging and the husband cannot tell his little princess "no" - and he was now reasoning with me - "she's with them."  THEY'RE 8.  "Well it's just over there" - I CANNOT SEE HER.  "Their parents seem to think it's safe."  They're obviously idiots.  So there I stood - with three 8 year olds and a giant child while they tried to convince me to let the blonde go alone.  I couldn't do it.  I just couldn't.  I'd already lost one daughter to the big scary world and god knows her stalking creepy creeper was probably sitting outside our house as I spoke.  So finally I just gave the husband a fair and reasonable response, "I will fucking kill you if you allow her to do this alone - it's a bad idea and you know it.  Do NOT be stupid."  So he drove her.  And you know what?  Their parents DID NOT seem to think it was safe.  Their parents were not even home.  They were being "watched" by a 15 year old sister.  HA!!!  See.  I WIN! 

God help these children if anything ever happens to me.  The husband will have them all self-functioning and unafraid of the world in no time.  Clearly he's NOT qualified to be a parent.

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