Thursday, December 16, 2010

Shhhhhh - Please! Mommy needs her space!

Yesterday, I had to take the brunette to the ortho first thing bright and early in the morning, then we headed to the Walmarts to get her some fugly black pants for her new job - that she starts on CHRISTMAS EVE -thankyouverymuch employer.  Then off to the mall we went.  She's a good shopper - she walks fast and she makes quick decisions.  That's the kind of person I like to shop with.  And she did NOT get irritated with me when I couldn't make a decision and we had to back track the mall a few times.  It's not a big mall anyway - so it's not like walking it 12 times is a big deal.

I love watching her and listening to her when she pays for her items.  She's polite to the sales clerks, says please and thank you.  Uses the word "yes" instead of "uh huh".  She immediately returns her debit card to her wallet in its proper place and places her receipt carefully in an assigned spot within that same wallet.  It's not easy to shop with her though - because she asks my opinion of things, "Don't you love these, mommy?"  And I have a problem with honesty, so I respond, "Sure.  I wouldn't be caught dead in them - but if you love them, then you should get them."  As far as 15 yr old girls go though - she dresses quite conservatively, so if a giant pair of faux diamond earrings is her attention getting factor - then I feel pretty damned lucky! 

After we finalized our Christmas shopping and secured our goodies in the trunk - I offered to buy her lunch.  She chose Subway.  Girl loves her $8 turkey sandwich!  But even then - as she ordered, I watched her and listened to her.  Turkey.  No cheese.  And she picks almost ALL the vegetables.  Just leaves the onions off - like me!  And when we got back into the car with her food, she said, "that big guy working there was really nice - don't you think he was nice?"  I did actually.  And since her new job is in the food service industry - I hope she remembers what it feels like to be a customer and be treated nicely by someone at the counter.  I've got to think she'll be a star employee because girl just does the shit she's supposed to do without being reminded to do it - and she's a perfectionist.

And when I dropped her off at school - she kissed me and thanked me and we told each other we'd enjoyed our time together (which we had) and I watched her walk into the building.... taller than me.  Still a little girl - but yet so grown up.  Getting almost a perfect 4.0 GPA - without us ever having to even ask about school work.  Pushing herself to be exceptional.  Making good decisions about her actions.  In control.  That's what I love about that girl.  She's in control.  And at that moment - I was so proud.  And felt so very very blessed to have such a wonder daughter.  Even if her 15 yr old hormones do come out raging and lashing out at us periodically - she's a sight to behold and has the brains to back it!!

Then off to a 4 hour meeting I went.  Then straight from there into a conference call.  And while I'm trying to listen to a customer - the brunette is asking me questions on paper - then the blonde got home and then the husband arrived and it was just total chaos.  I was reeling out of control.  I could feel it.  The flurry of activity in the house - I felt RUSHED for some reason.  And then it finally hit me - I never had any alone time yesterday.  I've gotten so used to being alone - that when I wasn't - I felt panicked.  And I started yelling and snapping at everyone.  Then they all yelled back at me - telling me I yell too much.  But everywhere I went in the house to get under control - one of them followed.  I went to the bathroom - they spoke to me through the door.  I went to the garage - one came out to ride a scooter and keep me company.  I went to the basement - they followed.  If it hadn't been freezing rain outside - I could have left - but I was literally TRAPPED.

I felt bad for yelling.  And I felt even more guilty for being so irritated by their fascination with and desire to be with me.  I have GOT to remember to take some "me" time each day as we enter Christmas break.  Lest, I will spend the entire break screaming at the whole lot of them.

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