..... The Greed. The selfishness. The self-centeredness. The "me" attitude.
All of it. THAT is what is killing my spirit.
I mentioned previously the Prodigal Son hasn't stopped playing Xbox since he got home last week. I haven't seen him more than an hour in a week. He stays up all night and sleeps all day. He wanders upstairs from time to time to eat some food, then he's back at it - playing Xbox. And he has an entourage of friends that come by and play Xbox with him. They have lined up multiple TVs and Xbox machines and lay there like fucking zombies playing the same game for hours upon end. Rummaging through my cupboards at the damndest times. The other night, it was midnight - and one of them was feasting and feasting and feasting. It woke me up - the sound of the cabinet doors slamming. The microwave beeping. The drawers sliding in and out. I was so infuriated that I threw on my robe and stormed down to the kitchen. And in my glassy eyed fit of rage, with my head spinning on my shoulders, I yelled: ARE YOU ALMOST FUCKING DONE EATING BECAUSE YOU'RE BEING LOUD AS FUCK AND I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT. I WORK AND YOU GODDAMN PEOPLE SLEEP ALL DAY AND PLAY THAT FUCKING GAME ALL DAMNED NIGHT.
He meekly apologized and I stomped back to bed. Where I laid awake until 3 a.m. Seething. I met up with some other folks that evening who have kids at home for the break and they are experiencing the exact same thing so I felt better. But it still pisses me off. The giant forager apologized to me again the next day and I apologized for being a raging bitch - but explained that dinner is at a specified time - NOT at midnight.
Last night, I made steak. It's a treat. I set the table for 6, thinking that was how many we had present. And as I pulled the steaks off the grill, a 7th arrived and as he entered my house he said, "YUM! Smells GREAT! Can't wait - I'm starved!" I almost cried. I really did. I almost went to my room to hide. My husband talked me down off the ledge and I managed to choke down my dinner with some smiles and not kill anyone. And after they'd feasted - they returned to the hole to play more Xbox.
I feel so horrible. They love me and think I'm great. They're having the time of their lives. Being total fuck ups - feeding their Xbox addiction on my dime. And secretly, I'm loathing all of them. I'm an enabler. I need to change that.
The brunette is ALMOST about to kill me with her greed and selfishness. Wants to go out to eat for lunch with her friends today. Needs money. Fuck that. I already told you how sick I am of handing out money so kids can go out to eat. I suggested that I would give her money if she would help me clean for the holidays. No thanks. She will find money elsewhere. Then she feared she didn't get her BFF enough for Christmas - EXCUSE ME? I fucking forked over $50 for that gift because she didn't have any money because she'd spent $30 on her goddamned secret santa. What the fuck is wrong with kids now days? I don't think I have EVER given my BFF a $50 gift - or a $30 gift for that matter. And do you know what I'll get for Christmas from my kids in appreciation for all that I've given and done for them? NOT A DAMNED THING. Because they will have spent their wad on their friends. I won't even get a fucking card. It really makes me want to take all the gifts I've gotten for them and return them - then announce to them that I spent all my money on my BFF - the husband - and we are taking the blonde and going to Disneyland instead. Leave them sitting here alone and without gifts for the remainder of the holiday.
I've actually thought it all through and it really sounds like an appealing plan. I still may do it.
The brunette starts a job tomorrow. She asked how she would get there - uhhh - I will drive you. But how will she get home? Uhhh - you will call me when you get off work and I will fetch you. NO. THAT'S GAY!!! I AM NOT SITTING THERE LIKE A DORK WAITING FOR YOU TO ARRIVE - WHY CAN'T I JUST TAKE YOUR CAR?
Seriously? Well first off - you're 15 and only have about 10 hours of driving experience. BUT MOST OF ALL - THAT IS MY FUCKING CAR. I had to work A LOT of hours and years to afford a car that wasn't a complete piece of shit - and I'll be god damned if a 15 year old inexperienced driver is going to take it out unaccompanied EVER, let alone 2 days before Christmas when everyone on the road is an absolute idiot.
Now, the blonde just came through - DEMANDING she be picked up from school today and taken somewhere special for lunch because she doesn't want to ride the bus home or eat a cold hamburger at school. You're 8. Get over it.
So you see, my desire to be giving and loving and clean my house and make it special for the holidays is G.O.N.E. It was stolen by greed, selfishness and disrespect. All I can see in front of me is a host of chores that will completed and left unappreciated and unnoticed for a bunch of people that will be disappointed they didn't get ALL the fucking shit they've asked for for Christmas, and won't appreciate that which they did get and I was willing to buy.
I'm thinking that return the gifts, head to Disneyland plan is looking better every day. Food's in the fridge - knock yourselves out eating it - and since I'll be gone - go ahead and eat at fucking midnight - because THAT is normal.