Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Wacky Wednesday and Other Inane Shit That Makes NO Sense

My cousin texted today - evidently she's got an elephant in her room that she wants to get together and discuss.  I agreed to the conversation because, well, I like elephants and also because I adore her.  I made a note to buy an extra bag of peanuts to have on hand when we get together with this elephant - maybe I can lure him out of her room with them.  I'm a good problem solver like that.

As it turns out, the commenter a few weeks ago who suggested I was angry - is right.  I am angry.  It occurred to me tonight when I had an exchange wih the prodigal son regarding his other family.  And in terms of exchange - I mean he told me he was doing something that involved a member of his other family.  I said OK.  Then I left to go to a softball game.  But on the way there - it occurred to - I might have an anger issue as I was bothered by this exchange.  I made a note to get that checked out - AFTER he leaves for college because it's possible the anger issue will go with him.  Besides - I don't have time right now - I'll deal with it later and until then, I'll just get a punching bag and deal with it that way.

Evidently - the softball tournament for this weekend - the one I was pretty sure was here in town and wouldn't be much of an intrusion on my weekend - is in ANOTHER CITY.  What.the.fuck.  Why did I miss this fucking memo?  I honestly kicked a rock and stamped my foot at the team meeting tonight.  And after I did it, the entire team of 13-15 year olds looked at me and I was all, "What.the.fuck are you looking at?  I don't want to go out of town for a damned tournament, do YOU?"  And they're all like, "Yes."  Oh.  Well, then I'm outnumbered.  And I glared at the coach who was holding the ONE LONE print out of the tournament in his grubby hand.  Because evidently paper is a commodity and we are not smart enough to read anyway, so he just makes ONE copy and reads it TO us - spoon feeding us our weekend along the way.  Fuck that.  I am pretty smart - I bet I can find a copy of that damned tournament schedule on the world.wide.web (thank you Al Gore) and get my OWN damned copy so I can see for myself what is going on and when my life will be consumed with sitting in the blazing sun watching softball.  We have games every night for the next 10 nights - which means we will be at the ball field until MIDNIGHT every night.  I can hardly fucking wait.  I can't even get WiFi out there.  It's total bullshit.

The husband discovered that the "things" digging the holes in the yard are not mice, or snakes or rats or gophers or any other expected creature - they're CRAWFISH.  Girl - this ain't Leeziani.  It's Kansas.  So he set out to fix them right up - Caddy Shack style and promptly blew up his pinkie finger.  I haven't seen it - but it's all wrapped in about 540 feet of gauze and some duct tape.  He should have been a doctor - he's got a knack for it.  Anyway - thank you Hurrican Katrina - for fucking up yet another thing at my house.  Appreciate it.  Really.  I do.

I'm STILL tired from this past weekend.  And everytime I hear that alarm clock at 6 a.m. - I seriously want to smash it with a sledge hammer.  I think if I could just sleep until 7 or even 7:30 I would be fine.  Just DO NOT make me wake up to that horrible, wretched, blood curdling sound again.  I can't take it.  So on that note - I'm off to bed - because, well - tomorrow's another day friends!

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