Monday, July 12, 2010

Monday Ramblings

Okay - so I totally forgot AGAIN what I was going to blog about tonight.  And it WAS funny!  Hmmmm.  Crap. 

The prodigal Son?  No

The brunette?  No

Nell?  No - oh but wait - Nell - she is funny.  This is a child that HATES to bathe.  HATES IT.  Every night, shower time results in a knock-down drag out argument and battle to get her in the shower.  But yesterday, for whatever reason, she took a shower in the kids' bathroom.  And she liked it so much, that after she swam for 5 minutes, she took another one.  Then later she swam for another 5 minutes and took another shower.  Then this morning, she popped right up and went to the shower again.  And now she's in there after T-ball.  I'm really not sure what's going on - but I'm not arguing with clean.  And also, she took to wearing shorts from out of nowhere.  We thought maybe she'd secretly shaved her legs - but no.  I think she just figured out that shorts are cooler than jeans - DUH.  But she won't admit it.  Wonder what my water bill will be next month...  Oh wait - The brunette just threw Nell out of the bathroom.  I'm getting the lowdown presently:

Brunette:  This is not your bathroom.

Nell:  Uhhh - my toothbrush is in here, my toys are in here - can't you see?  My towel is in here - can't you see?  My hairbrush is in here - DUH - can't you see - it IS my new bathroom.
Brunette:  just get out

LMFAO!  Sissers.  Thank God they are 7 years apart, lest they'd be killing each other right about now. 

So the husband and I want to ride bikes.  Did I already mention this?  The peddling type.  But first I had to have a padded seat - so he got me one.  But then we had to have a bike rack - which he got for a steal at Dick's today (mismarked - too bad for them - yay for me!); but now - I need a helmet.  We've got to be $300 into this bike ride we haven't taken yet.  Maybe next week we'll actually take that ride.  Maybe I need a basket too - I mean, what will I keep my beer in?  It's so difficult. 

I took that damned dog on a walk again today.  I'm officially DONE with him.  I had to shorten the walk by 1/2 mile because he kept stopping on me, and he could not stop sniffing - it was driving me nuts and slowing me down.  I finally did kick him square in the ass as we rounded the corner to our house.  I'd had enough of his shit.  I'd tried to leave without him and snuck out the front door.  But the garage door was open and he spotted me and chased me down - so I had no choice but to take him.  But from now on - the husband can do it.  I'm done.    And on our walk, we passed a little old lady with a fat weiner dog.  And I could see her lips moving, so I removed my earbuds and said, "WHATCHA SAY?"  And so she yells (like I was hard of hearing - I had my earbuds in but she likely thought it was my Whisper 2000 and thought she needed to yell) - "HE WAS ATTACKED BY TWO BIG DOGS AND HAD TO HAVE 300 HOURS OF SURGERY SO HE DOESN'T MUCH LIKE YOUR DOG!!" 

Ummm - OK!  I was walking on one side of the street - she was on the other - the dogs were an entire road apart - and we were moving pretty quickly at that point.  I wasn't going to let my dog get her dog - my dog is big but he's harmless.  So I looked at her with my saddest sad face and said, "Bless his little heart.  Well, we'll be moving on now!"  And off we trotted.  Who spends money to get a dog 300 hours of surgery? What.the.fuck does 300 hours of dog surgery cost anyway?  I bet it costs ALOT.  That dog must have been TO'E UP!  I noticed he had one brown eye and one blue eye.  I wonder if they had to give him an eye transplant and couldn't find two that matched or something?  And his fur was kind of all different colors in a patchwork kind of way.  I wonder if they also had to do a pelt transplant and that's the best they could come up with from donor dogs?  And also - I did notice they had put his balls back in the wrong place because they were on his chest - which is not at all where they belong.  So I really don't know what kind of vet they took this dog to  but I'm guessing that 295 of those 300 hours of surgery was him just fixing shit he'd fucked up to begin with.  I bet that's how the old gal got that nice house up the street - I bet she sued that vet for malpractice and won.  I'm so glad we had this chat - it's all starting to make sense to me now! 

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