Monday, June 28, 2010

It's MY Time - GIVE IT TO ME!

It's my 102nd post!  Wow!  I passed the 100 mark and we didn't even celebrate.  Well - we will at the 200 mark - I promise - and really - the last couple of posts are really kind of verging on the brink of not even counting, right?  Oh well, whatever!  Thank you for reading along for all 102 of my mundane posts and for your comments and insight!  I appreciate your fellowship very much!

Today I have done the sum total of ZILCH relative to WHAT I WANT TO DO.  What I want to do is lay in my pool and read books and listen to music.  What I HAD to do was go to work and train a new employee - all day.  The entire live long day.  And now I'm home and see that I HAVE to attend a t-ball game.  Well, somewhere in there what I'd really like to do is have a beer and lay here and stare at the ceiling.  My brothers-in-law are coming to visit this weekend, so I OUGHT to start cleaning this house.  So many things TO DO and not a single one of them anything I WANT to do.  What.the.fuck. 

I don't even have any funny stories to tell.  Or situations to relate.  How pathetic is that?  VERY.  With all my new found desire to rejuvinate myself professionally, my mind is reeling with thoughts and ideas and since I tend to be fairly OCD - it's ALL I can think about.  Why is finding balance so damned difficult for me?  Why can I not figure out how to focus on something for a bit - put it back in the box and move on to the next thing I need to focus on?  Why is it that I must always approach things 120% and not find balance in my life.  It's exhausting.  I should go for a walk and clear my head - that's what I SHOULD do.  And I want to do it - I really do - I feel so much better after I go for a long walk.  But dinner needs to be made because we HAVE to jet to this t-ball game.  What I am sick of is other shit and people dictating how MY time - MY TIME IN LIFE - will be spent.  It's old.  And it's my number ONE pet peeve.  I have got to find a way to get control of my time back.  I'm on a mission here - wish me luck!

Right now - I'm headed out to start marking shit off my calendar - none of which has my name on it or is anything I WANT to do. 

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