Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Clouds and other shit that makes no sense to me

So yesterday I went to this Webinar - well by "went" I mean I walked across the hall to a different office and sat in a different chair than I normally do - the subject of the webinar had something to do with CLOUD computing.  Which I think means you transmit your data through the innernets and it goes and goes until the wires run out and it's somehow just hanging out there in the clouds.  I'm not sure.  You can look it up if you want. 

So anyway, I was just kind of half-assed listening at the beginning so I really didn't catch the credentials of the presenter, but I did hear her say something about the White House.  And she stated several times that she hoped this would be the best hour of my day - other than one of the hours I was sleeping which was actually her favorite time - but she admitted she also liked doing this Webinar.  That much I remember.  Then I blacked out.  Until I heard her say something about her job at the White House was sort of like that of the Secret Service.  Which prompted me to very quickly wake up and pay attention.  I like the Secret Service - they wear Top Gun glasses and have microphones and could likely break out into karaoke at any time, and I bet they do - that's probably what was going on when President Reagan was shot.  Anyway, she caught my attention.  The Secret Service's job is to put their life on the line, take a bullet for the President - that is what they are trained to do and that is what their purpose is.  Wow.  What a fucking shitty job.  Other than the sunglasses and impromptu karaoke, of course.  But, she explained, that they could only carry out their job IF THEY HAD SIGHT TO THE PRESIDENT.  And if they did not have SIGHT to the President (because evidently the Secret Service does NOT watch the President and the First Lady when they are having sex - who knew?) then they have other compensating controls in place to ensure his safety.  So this is evidently like CLOUD computing - because your data is all up in the clouds and you don't know where it is and you don't know when exactly the wire carrying the data ran out - so you don't really have sight to it - so you have to put into place all these other compensating controls to ensure its safety and security.

And then I blacked out again because she got into all the details of how and what and why and it was over my head but I was still stuck on the data being in the clouds concept and I couldn't wrap my head around it.  They tell me it's not fucking magic (FM) - but I'm pretty sure it is and they're just trying to take advantage of my gullability.  And then I started thinking about this gal and the life she had led - working at the White House as a part of the data security IT team and how cool that must have been and then I decided it likely wouldn't really be that cool, because they probably don't let you wear sandals and shorts to work and there's a good chance you just can't put your phone on Do Not Disturb if you're not in the mood to talk on the phone.  And that's when I heard her bring up the Secret Service AGAIN.  My ears perked up like a dog when he hears the food hit his bowl.  She said that IF the Secret Service was around and IF her life had been in danger and IF the President, First Family, Vice President, etc. lives were not in immediate danger - the Secret Service was also instructed to take a bullet for HER or any other staffer at the White House.  Wow.  So that Secret Service job just keeps getting shittier and shittier.  I mean - I'm not taking any bullet for my IT people. I appreciate their voo doo bullshit they use to fix shit and locate lost data and such - but I really wouldn't want to lose my life over it.  Besides - aren't IT people like a dime a dozen now days?  But I was also thinking that it must have been pretty shitty for her - realizing that ALL those other people had to be safe ahead of her before anyone would protect her.  That has to suck going to work every day realizing that you just aren't that fucking important.  And then she made some analogy that I didn't listen to because I really was curious now - -

Who the fuck came up with these rules of the White House and the Secret Service?  There's probably some website that details it all - but I'm afraid to Google it because I might be put on the terrorist list and that would really suck.  And now I'm wondering if this post is going to be located by the super soaker feelers of the innernets that work for National Security?  Shit.  Now I'm paranoid.  All because of this freakin' Webinar I attended.  Dammit Al Gore - you're ruining my life.  Thanks for nothing.

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