Tuesday, June 1, 2010


I don't usually get too worked up over the kids' toys laying around anymore.  First off, the older ones really don't have "toys" and second off, I'm over it.  But, I HATE THIS FUCKING SCOOTER:

I realize it looks fairly innocuous, but it is a TOTAL fucking pain in the ass. 
It is ALWAYS in my way - just laying there - right exactly where it does NOT belong.  I swear the damned thing is possessed and when it hears me coming, moves itself to the EXACT location I'm headed.  The other night I wanted to get into my booze fridge which is kept in the garage, and when I opened the door to go out there:

Yup.  Right there in front of the fridge - blocking my path.  Fucker.  So I picked it up and while putting it away where I thought it should belong, I cussed it up one side and down the other.  Really gave it a piece of my mind.  I was pretty certain it heard me and was very afraid.  But the next morning when I went to leave for work:

Are you fucking kidding me?  Now it's blocking my way out.  I gave it a good swift kick in the ass this time.  Explained to it AGAIN that it did not belong in places like this and that it was about on my one last raggedy ass nerve.  Yes, I talk to inanimate objects - what's the big deal?  And besides, I already told y'all I'm pretty certain it's possessed - so it's really not an inanimate object because it has a soul of some sort.  Anywho, that night when I got home from work:

Yep.  It had conveniently placed itself blocking my way INTO the house.  What.the.fuck?  First it won't let me out?  Now it won't let me in.  Psycho scooter is what it is.  Well, tonight I found it in a different state of mind.  Just kind of laying around, acting kind of bored and I totally fucking caught it off guard.  AHA!  There you are piece of shit scooter.  And it didn't get up and argue with me, and when I approached it, it didn't give me any hassle or lip.  So I quickly grabbed it by the neck and put it where it really belongs:

I think it looks good there.  Don't you?

1 comment:

  1. ya know....you're gonna shit yourself if you wake up tomarrow and it's laying by your bed!! I'll come visit you in the pysch ward!!! On a little pink scooter!! LMAO