Thursday, August 4, 2011

Confronting the Elephant

I recently acknowledged the elephant in the room and you know what?  It wasn't that bad. 

Sweet Funny Blonde (SFB):  I know it's petty, but I have the elephant with me.

Me:  Yes.  I know.  I heard the elephant was driving you home - tell the elephant thank you for doing that.  (See normally you wouldn't be appreciative of an elephant driving, and you likely wouldn't think elephants could drive, what with their flat giant feet and shit - but this elephant drives pretty good and I knew my beloved family was in safe feet)

When I got to the house, I didn't see the elephant which is strange that you couldn't find an elephant in a house - but whatever - I wasn't really looking for the elephant and it was really not even relevant to the situation anyway.  But later, the elephant came out from the corner and stood 5' from me.  Fuck that.  Here's the deal you pachyderm, this shit between us ends today. 

So I took a deep breath, shotgunned a beer, took a swig of whiskey and marched right over to the elephant:

Me:  ELEPHANT!  How the hell are you?

Elephant:  Psycho Bleach Blonde!  It's good to see you! 
And the elephant extended a leg and we hugged an awkward, fucked up, don't get too close to me kind of hug.

Me:  Elephant - meet my husband - Grumpy Old Man (GOM) - this is the elephant we've been avoiding.

GOM:  Hey elephant - nice to meet you - I guess. 

And so it began - the transformation of the elephant into a human. 

See.  I've been mad at this elephant for a good god damned long time.  Not just mad.  Enraged.  Bitter.  Hateful.  Disgusted.  And I had played out in my mind that given the chance, I would punch this elephant square in the fucking trunk.  But the strangest and least expected of all things happened when I finally came face to face with the elephant. 

A wave of.... NOTHINGNESS came over me.  No rage.  No anger.  No bitterness.  Just complete non-emotion - the elephant was just another human in the room.  And I felt 200 pounds lighter.  The baggage and weight of being so fucking mad for so many years lifted from my shoulders.  And I pulled up a bar stool and sat and chatted with the no-longer-an-elephant like an old friend.  Which is what we really are.  Old friends.  In a new dynamic.  And it's okay. 

The grumpy old man actually hated the elephant more than me, despite the fact he'd never met the elephant.  But I'd done a damned good job of painting an illusion of this wicked elephant and therefore the GOM despised him and had threatened to kill him if he ever saw him.  But he didn't.  He also sat and chatted with the elephant - for hours.  And at the end of the night - they embraced. And that was weird.  And I wondered why in the hell would they embrace?  Are they lovers now? 

Or was that a gesture of peace - letting each other silently know that all was good with the world now and pachyderm and man would now live as one? 

Regardless.  I'm glad I confronted that elephant.  Go confront yours today - you'll be glad you did!

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