So. The person that prompted the last rant of mine up and died last week. About 4 days after the rant. WHAT.THE.FUCK. Who does that? It's still surreal.
I have been trying for days to wrap my head around it and trying even harder to remember what I loved most about him. Why can you never think of that shit when you're sad? Or angry? Or when you just WANT to. But as I stood, ironing clothes for his funeral just now, it came to me.
I LOVED the way his eyes lit up when he saw me at family gatherings or if I dropped into his clinic with an ailing animal. His eyes would light up and he would get a big grin on his face and rise to his feet and embrace me. And he would always utter the same words: "You look lovelier than ever!" And I believed him. Every single time - for 27 years. Now who the hell is going to tell me that at family gatherings? I will miss that. And I will miss his laugh and his ranting about politics. Even though that part drove me nuts and I think I told him last time he started in on me to shut.the.fuck.up. But to him, that was conversing. Drove me batty. But I will still miss it.
Who will fix my broken animals? He fixed up my momma cat just last Christmas after she was hit by a car on Christmas Eve. He fixed up a puppy with parvo just a year or two prior to that. He even assured me when my ex-boyfriend's dog ate an entire Pyrex casserole dish that he would be fine - that a human could eat an entire beer bottle and live through it. I always suspicioned he knew that to be true because he'd done it before.
I always loved the way he loved his wife. He loved that woman more than anyone I've ever seen love anyone else. He did. I will always remember their wedding day. So young. So very very young. And so simple was the wedding - I think that's what made it even more beautiful. Not to mention it was really one of the only non-hideous brides maid dresses I ever had to wear. I appreciated that. And someone played a tape of "Could I have this Dance for the rest of my life" - and they danced around a very simple room. And you know what? For 27 years they danced together. And I admired their love for each other. It was the kind of love you envy.
So many many people loved this man. And admired him. I hope he is looking down on everyone now and smiling that shitty grin - and I hope he gives a little chuckle at the out pouring of love for him. And then I hope he gives himself a swift kick in the ass. Just because. Godspeed Kevin. I love you.