Thursday, August 25, 2011

One might think...'s a full moon.  But it's not.  It's just a fucked up week.  And I don't even know why.  Just one disasterous thing after another.  And today is the kind of day one might enjoy sitting outside sipping a cool one - but nooooooo..... too many things to do tonight.  Dammit the bad luck of that timing. 

I'll try to make this breif - although I could draw it out into a VERY long saga - but I'll try to spare you.
But the day's gone something like this (and I'm leaving out anything work related - which would add a shit ton more drama to this day - but I'll bear that burden alone):

Get a call from the Prodigal Son:

PS:  Wanna hear something funny?

Me:  Um.  I guess.

PS:  Those fuckers got all drunked up and ate all my god damned chicken - 32 fucking pieces of chicken.  GONE.

{The conversation continues from this point about the chicken and I'm reminded of the fuckers living in my house that ate an entire large pizza after I'd gone to bed one night and I'm not finding the humor in the story - but instead I'm again, pissed off}

About 1/2 hour later, I get a text from the PS:  READ MY FB STATUS

So I do.  And it says, "Dude.  Where's my car?"

So I text back - are you using "car" in place of "chicken"?

NO.  The fuckers took my car and I don't know where it is and I don't know where they are.

Whatever.  I can't even deal with this at the moment because I'm dealing with work shit and I'm overwhelmed. 

About 2 hours later, the PS calls again:

PS:  They fucking used up 1/2 tank of gas and I was using that gas to come home tomorrow.

Me:  WHAT?  You're coming home TOMORROW?

PS:  Yes. 

Me:  There's nowhere for you to sleep.

PS:  I'll sleep on the fucking floor - whatever.  They used up all my gas though.  I had to get someone to drive me around town to look for my car and I finally found it at this one kid's house.  And so I walked in and there they were - passed out with beer cans on their chests and I was like "WHICH ONE OF YOU MOTHER FUCKERS TOOK MY GOD DAMNED CAR LAST NIGHT?"  And they were all like, "Dude - WTF?  Where are we?  How did we get here?"  And I was all, "LOOK OUTSIDE YOU FUCKING GENIUS - YOU DROVE MY GOD DAMNED CAR WITHOUT MY FUCKING PERMISSION"  And they were all just like sitting there staring at me like they were fucking stoned so I was all like, "I ASKED WHICH ONE OF YOU TOOK THE FUCKING CAR?"  And this one kid I don't know was all like, "Dude, it was me."  and I said, "REALLY?  YOU BETTER RETHINK THAT RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I DON'T THINK YOU WANT TO BE THE MOTHER FUCKER THAT STOLE MY CAR BECAUSE I'M GOING TO FUCKING BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF WHOEVER DID IT RIGHT NOW AND RIGHT HERE." and the kid was all like, "Well actually I don't think it was me" and I was all like, "GOOD DECISION" 

{I put spaces between words in the above paragraph so you could read it more easily, but rest assured, he did NOT pause once.  Or even breathe.  And finally he took a breath....}

Me:  Well, someone needs to fill your car back up I guess.  And buy you some chicken. 

PS:  I have to go.  Love you.

No sooner do I hang up the phone and the Brunette sends me a text from school:

Brunette:  Can I go to elmel with Joe?

Me:  Joe Blow?  NO.  I do not like that kid at all.

Brunette:  Why?

Brunette:  Nevermind.  I don't even want to go and was looking for an excuse to not go.  Thank you.

Me:  Glad I could be of assistance.

And it's only 1:30!  I can hardly wait to see what comes up next.............

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