Friday, September 10, 2010

Shitty Friday

So I got up at 5 a.m. because the dog was heaving - getting ready to barf - - - in the bedroom.  I just stayed put - and said, "There goes YOUR dog - BARFING - just like I said he would."  So the husband had to get up and deal with it.  But of course - that woke me up and then I was wide awake and just decided to get on up out of bed and start my shitty assed day.  I TOLD him LAST NIGHT when that dog showed up with a bone from Lord knows where that he should take it away from him - otherwise he chomps on them, and swallows giant pieces of bone and barfs.  "Oh - but look how cute he is - he is so happy he found that bone."  Whatever.  How fucking cute did you find him this morning as he barfed on the bedroom floor and you were cleaning that up?  HUH? 

I felt like shit when I got up - I'm stiff - I used my Wii Active yesterday for the first time in MONTHS - I typically have just been walking and think I'm pretty damned funny stepping off my 10,000 steps a day!  Look at me!  I'm the picture of physical fucking fitness!!!  Well - I turned that Wii Active on and I told it to give me a hard workout.  And it did.  It kicked my ASS - literally.  And my upper legs.  Now I'm so damned stiff I can barely get off the couch or around the house.  I should likely go walk it off - but it's easier to just sit here and bitch.  So that's what I'll do.

I also have about eleventy nine hundred fever blisters on my lower lip.  Thanks to the fun in the sun I had on Sunday at the Lake.  I'm 4 - I cannot be blamed for failing to continually apply sunscreen to my lips.  This is my mother's fault.  I went to Walgreens and got a $700 tube of Abreva - that shit actually works pretty well and while I know I had a tube around here - I couldn't locate it and had to purchase a new one.  If you've never purchased it - it's ridiculously expensive.  The tube is about the size of my pinkie finger fingernail.  It's like gold.  And I've misplaced my new tube already.  FUCK.  But these things make smoking and drinking damned near impossible.  Terribly painful.  And cute, too.

THEN I decided to work on this fucked up project for work that I've been putting off forEVER.  Let me tell you - this is the shittiest project EVER.  And it has left me in such a foul mood - I'm not sure how I'll recover my otherwise pleasant demeanor.  I'd walk it off - but see the paragraph above for explanation of why that won't be happening.  I've been slothisized AGAIN.  I have things I need to do - I really do.  Like go to the bank.  But now my neck hurts because I have to sit on the couch to work because my desk isn't "cured" yet.  Whatever the fuck that means.  It's been a long fucking time since the husband painted that desk.  I'm sure ample time has passed and it's safe to use.  Maybe he'll get off his ass and get it assembled for me this weekend so I can start using it. 

Ever since I started working from home - he hasn't done SHIT.  It's like he's on a perpetual damned vacation as it pertains to the house and the family.  I made a note on my To Do list to cuss him out later this weekend about the whole situation.  Oh - and he just keeps adding to his cause too.  Yesterday there was this horrible smell upstairs.  He tried to blame it on the brunette, but I'd seen him exit the bathroom most recently.  He said it smelled like that before he went in there.  Then, ALL day I kept smelling it and into the evening.  Finally - it dawned on me - that fucking fish tank he bought the blonde last year for her birthday - or maybe it was 2 years ago - I don't really remember.  All I know is that it has NEVER been cleaned out.  So I just followed my nose - and sure enough - there it was - the little cess pool in the blonde's bedroom. 

So I yelled downstairs and told him to come smell HIS fish tank.  The blonde wanted a fish.  I kept begging and pleading for him to just get a bowl and a goldfish.  - Nope - he's got to do it up BIG - so he gets her this giant tank and a shit ton of fish and spends like $400 on the whole thing.  You know where it is now?  Sitting out on the fucking deck (where he puts all the other shit he doesn't want to deal with) - stinking up the entire neighborhood.  The thing about him is this:  He has NO concept of time - and doesn't grasp that shit takes time to take care of.  You get big shit?  You better have big time to care for it.  Otherwise - it ends up on the deck - until he comes around to clean it up.  He said he would clean it up today - I'll bet you that doesn't happen.  I bet you I have to bitch at him sometime over the weekend to get him to get it off my fucking deck.  And whenever one of these issues comes up - it just reminds me of all the other shit he doesn't take care of - and Lord help him - it ain't gonna be pretty.  This NEVER ends well. 

Yesterday he pointed out a toy in the bathtub - stated that it was really getting on his fucking nerves.  Seriously?  That toy?  In the bathtub?  That has NEVER been used.  Yes - that toy in the unused bathtub is really getting on my last fucking nerve too.  NOT.  But that cess pool of a fish tank - that's on my nerves.  Those two outbuildings full of SHIT - they're on my nerves.  Or the 67 hoses on the deck - pretty fucking annoying.  Or the tree you fell last winter and never chopped up and moved out of the front yard-  THAT is annoying.  Or that 40' bus you hauled over here to store shit in - that's annoying.  And all the other shit you've accumulated from every remodel job you've done - and piled in my garage and in my yard.  I find THAT annoying.  But that toy?  In the unused bathtub?  Just go to fucking work.  Please.  And leave me to work on my shitty project for the day.  Thank you.

1 comment:

  1. Well Sunshine...if you keep waking up in such a cheery disposition, I may have to slap you silly. Then I could slap you a few more times just for being silly. I'm resourceful that way!! You really must get some fangs to go with your bitch. No woman can truely claim her degree in Bitchology without them. See, I have one of those fixit kinda guys....but that doesn't mean what I want fixed, or when I want it...preferable while I'm still alive to enjoy, but who really cares!!
    He thought we needed a wood burner in the house...has talked about it for several winters when the power goes out, or the propane bill comes. But I know all about wood burners and the WORK WORK, I mention to him that I think HE would be taking on a LOT MORE WORK than HE wants to do, and I smiled at him.....not my pretty woman smile, not my come hither smile...I smiled at him like a mean dog just showing off her shiny long sharp fangs. This fall he's talking about buying a generator for the power outages in our winter wonderland of rural electric associations....GOOD BOY!!!
    Go to your bathroom tonight and practice your smile SweetPea....and then you can show him how to clean out the fish tank...with his toothbrush!! Men are dogs, but some can be housebroke and trained...honest!!!!