Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I'm Clearly Ill...

If you came here looking for your daily laugh - you might want to just move on  - to another blog.  One that's funny.  Because it won't be found here  - not today. 

Today I met my mom for coffee.  We stayed at the coffee shop for 2.5 hours.  Talking.  Like two adult women.  Admiring each other and the words that rolled off our tongues.  Equals.  (and she gave me a Satin Hands set - which was very much needed!)

Today I talked to my dad on the phone.  About artichokes.  And his upcoming birthday. 

Today I drove the brunette to her first "job".  And released her to the care of someone, who 3 years ago, I did not even know existed. Someone that has, in time, grown to be my sister.  Even the blonde says "you two are sisters." 

Today I missed the prodigal son.  And I prayed he was okay and would make wise decisions.  And when my dad asked me about buying the prodigal son something, I respectfully replied with, "that's between the two of you - he is an adult now - I am not going to determine what his needs are." 

Today I made dinner for my husband and the blonde.  And we enjoyed that dinner - just the three of us.  Talking.  And the blonde asked me to tell her stories about when I was a little girl, her age.  And I told her that I remembered everything about the house in which we lived when I was her age.  And she eagerly asked me to tell her all about it.  And I did.  (she was seemingly unimpressed, by the way).  But I am still breath-taken by that time in my life. 

The times when everyone got along.  Laughter filled our home.  Friends were abundant.  My parents were filled with youth, and hope, and friendship.....

And it occurred to me - today - I could NOT be happier with the decisions we have made regarding our life.  Where we live.  The friends we have made.  The journey we are on.  The memories we are making.  The home we have created. 

It's not a full moon. And I don't think I have PMS.  So I'm not sure why I'm so reflective today.  But I am.  I am not regretful of the past, but instead happy about where the path has led me.  To this place. The place where the blonde serves as frisbee dog to the husband and I isolate myself in the house to write this post.  Okay wait - that's fucked up.  I'll put that on my list of shit to work on. 

But I do remember the day we drove back into my home town - to take possession of our house.  And it hit me - total sadness.  Here I am.  Back.  To the shit hole town in which I was raised.  Never in a million years did I dream I would be back - owning a home here - raising my family here.  And NEVER in a million years did I dream I would meet the beautiful people I have met and kindle friendships like those I've come to have in such a short time. 

I am blessed.  And I am happy.

UPDATE:  Just listening to The Talking Heads and the song "And She Was" came on.  The husband gets teary eyed (because it's a sappy song, right) and says to me, "This song reminds me of you."  Ummm - WHY?  "Because - 'the world was moving and she was right there with it...'"  Funny.  To hear how other people perceive you.  But I'm flattered.  And I'm again blessed.  I wonder if he's the only person that sees me this way?  I don't see myself that way.  "right there with it" - I see myself as running to keep pace.  Fighting the demons that plague me.  Swallowing the guilt of a past that threatens to ruin me on a daily basis.  Maybe I should just listen to the husband and be "right there with it."


  1. This is how I feel most days. It's good! Just reading this makes me happy. I think you should listen to the husband.

    "she could never go back and make some of the details pretty, all she could do is move forward and make the whole beautiful" -Terri St. Cloud

  2. I actually enjoyed this post very much!! Sometimes it's good to just be overcome with contentedness....well, you know what I mean. And if we can't get sappy on the blog now and again, what the hell good are they?!!!!
    I'm glad (now) for the shit that I've been thru, cause it's brought me to a good place. And I don't mean my house, but within myself, I'm in a good place internally...which makes everything elese around me good....unless of course my hormones shift...and then everybody just stay quiet and get low. LOL!!