Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Hi! My name is Dipshit and....

I'm an addict.  That's right.  An ADDICT. 

There.  I said it.  Now I believe I can get on the road to recovery.

I'm not a drug addict (although I do find comfort in a Xanax here and there).  Instead, I'm addicted to all things that divert my attention away from my family responsibilities.  Oh.  I get on the road to recovery now and again.  About once a week, actually.  Then immediately, I'm derailed.  By work.  Or blog reading.  Or recipe browsing.  Or texting.  Or staring at the wall. 

I'm especially fascinated with creeping on other people.  Through Facebook.  Through their blogs.  Through other people.  I once spent an entire DAY - ENTIRE DAY - look at Facebook photos of people I do not even friggin' know.  Seriously.  I don't lie people.  It's sick.  It's sick and it's wrong.  It serves absolutely no purpose.  And during that time, the blonde must have asked me the same question 12 times and each time I would respond, "What's that baby?" 

It happened again last night - there I was browsing recipes.  And she asked a question. 

--Little child's voice in the background---

Me:  What's that baby?

--Little child's voice in the background--

Me:  Do what now honey?

--Little child's voice in the background--

Me:  Goofy nonresponsive giggle

You get the picture - this went on for AT LEAST 10 minutes.  Finally, she yelled:  "MOMMA!  I'm talking to you - LISTEN TO ME!" 

I responded in my typical mother-of-the-year manner, "WHAT IS IT CHILD?  I'M SO BUSY!"  (read: sitting on my ass staring at this computer screen, creeping on other people and their recipes)

"I SAID, can I borrow a blanket and hang it up and make a tent and play under it?"

Negatory - it's bedtime now child.  You should have asked momma that question earlier.

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