This was my billfold.

See - I struggle with certain things and always have. Things that are important - you know - like finding the PERFECT billfold. I don't like to spend money on billfolds (or purses) - so I really struggle to spend more than $30 on one. Maybe that's why I can never find the perfect one! By the looks of the above picture - I keep everything in it - it's almost as if I use it AS the purse itself. WTF are the keys doing IN my billfold? Well I'll tell you -

This billfold looked so perfect in the store. It was flat, and slim and had a clasp that looked certain to keep it closed with all the valuable contents locked in safety and not threatening to hop out and take a vacation in my purse. The reality is this: The damned thing wouldn't actually HOLD more than driver's license (necessity) and a few credit cards (more necessities). Not to mention my AAA (NOT AA - AAA) card, insurance card, fiftyumpteen gift cards (hey - people love me - they give me giftcards! - don't judge). AND it had no assigned seats for coins. In my anger and frustration with the worthless piece of crap, I started abusing it - you know - shoving everything I could find or get my hands on into it's little compartments.

Because it would never latch shut - it was always ajar in my purse, and as a result - full of whatever treasure I just launched in its direction and IMPOSSIBLE to retrieve from the depths of hell - so paying for things was becoming purt near a far fetched concept. It was time - I'd gotten in my last fight with that wretched billfold. And so, good bye my friend - you've done just a horrible job of serving me the last 4+ years. You've caused me more angst than I can ever explain in words. And here, after an hour of going through all the little treasures you've gobbled up and kept hidden from me, is the final result:

You will see at the bottom - the new servant I've put in your place. She's RED. Which means I'll be able to see her in my purse. She also has an expandle strap that holds 'er all in. There you are - above your replacement - lookin' all cute like you did the day in the store. But I'm on to you. The rest of the shit around you two is stuff that I don't need anymore - a few gift cards with no balances remaining, some tickets to something, a few bandaids, and what's that blue TICKET there? Likely a raffle ticket to something and VERY valuable.

I couldn't quite say goodbye - as usual - so the billfold and the raffle ticket went into a drawer for safekeeping. Maybe I'll need or want to use it again one day. And maybe that raffle ticket is a winner!