Monday, February 22, 2010

Monday Musings

I hate winter. I hate snow even more than I hate winter. I also hate Monday. I think I hate Monday more than anything in the world. It brings out the idiocy in everyone.

5:30 a.m. – alarm goes off for the first taxi run of the day – 6 a.m. cheer practice for Daughter #1. This is the last week, thank God, of this torturous hour for practice. The final performance is Friday night and I think all of us are looking forward to that with great anticipation. I pull into parking lot at 5:58 only to find it a sheet of ice. The morons didn’t plow it until late at night so it never melted off. Then the cheer coach didn’t show up to unlock the gym doors until 6:07. Never mind the 30 sets of parents that are just sitting there waiting for your arrival – show up whenever the fuck you’d like and is convenient to you. We don’t have anywhere else to be.

7:20 a.m. – leave house for drive into work. Roads are in pretty good condition and I’m pleasantly surprised. As I cross a fairly long bridge over a river, I do slow it down some as the roadway looks wet – or is it icy? I can’t tell so I take ‘er down to 60 mph. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw an androgyne barreling up my ass – driving half in the lane and half on the shoulder as if it thought it could overtake me on the right shoulder, right there on the bridge. What.the.fuck? Seriously? You are NOT hitched to my bumper getting a free ride – hell NO. So I took ‘er down to 45 mph just to really get ol’ Pat going. As we merged onto the next highway, I watched ol’ Pat, gettin’ a free ride off my draft – and then, the moment it had a chance, it raced up even closer to my bumper and jerked into the left lane to pass me right before nearly clipping my rear-end. It glared at me as it passed me, I glared back. And also, because I’m very classy, I flipped it off and yelled Fuck.You.Pat. I thought about following Pat on into its office to see what ever-so-important job it had that it had to cause it to ride my ass all the way to work, but decided I was already mad enough that there was no reason to give myself a stroke on Monday morning and that there was a good chance I would kick its ass when I saw it.

7:45 a.m. – pull into the parking lot of Company X. They’ve cleared the lot AND the entrance. I am, again, pleasantly surprised. But as I assess the lot for a space to park – I notice there is NO WAY for me to get out of the lot and onto the sidewalk without first stepping into a 3’ bank of snow as that’s how they’ve pushed the snow off the lot - onto the sidewalks. But wait – oh good! They did think ahead and they did clear a single shovel-wide path from the lot to the building and it DOES connect to the lot without having to get knee deep into it. So I get out of my car, donning my new ballet slipperish shoes – only to discover SOMEONE has parked their damned car in front of the ONLY path to the sidewalk. I walk around the back of the car, hoping I'd be able to access the path from that angle – nope. Not gonna happen. So alas, the only choice I had was to step into the depths of Antarctica to get to the walk. My new shoes were filled with snow and I stomped all the way into the building, plotting the blockers death, formulating my tellin-him-off speech all the way in. But because I do not like confrontation and because the blocker was the boss, and because I am very mature and professional, I just slammed my office door and sat with my shoes off in my wet stocking feet for the first 2 hours of the day – pouting. And loathing the day even more.

8:00 a.m. – Phone call from Prodigal Son. Not feeling all that good, downright shitty as a matter of fact, could I call him out for a few hours and also don’t forget to make that appointment to get him tested for ADD. Screw your suspected ADD. Yes, I'll call this morning.  Get your ass out of bed and quit living on a world built of fabrications and excuses AND THIS IS THE LAST TIME I’M CALLING YOU OUT OF SCHOOL. I'm sorry you're feeling poorly.  I hung up the phone and he texted back with more excuses. I made a note to have his cell phone shut off.

Sometime between that time and noon, my husband came by with a shovel and cleared me a path to my car because HE is a REAL man and takes care of me. But after I returned back to Company X from lunch – some other dumb fuck had taken my spot AND completely blocked the path. Not to mention, the lack of available spots is always pretty slim pickins at this time of day due to the AA meeting that is held in our building over lunch hour. I love returning from lunch to see them all standing outside with their kegs o’ coffee, chain smoking. I thought they were supposed to be more clandestine than that?

The rest of the day went off without much drama, real or perceived and I was thankful it was the downhill slope of Monday.  And when I got home from work, I even used my new Wii Active!  Daughter #1 observed and Daughter #2 nagged coached and participated.  I didn't even fall off the Wii balance board!  So I'm looking forward to a lovely day tomorrow - complete with a bored board meeting.

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