Monday, July 18, 2011

Thank GOD it's Monday

Good grief.  I thought that weekend would NEVER end.  It started on Wednesday night with a surprise visit from the husband's BFF and family.  I hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since July 4th because I was pretty sure that my liver was screaming and my kidneys were shutting down.  But because of the surprise guests - I had to have a beer!  Actually, I had to have 5 beers.  Then Thursday, I had one of my sissers over to swim in the pool because it was like seven thousand and twenty degrees out.  And she brought a magnum of vodka and some crystal light.  Mmmmm - that was yummy.  The afternoon session turned into an evening session when her husband got off work and I think I finally went to bed around 10:00.  But I already had plans with another sisser for a Friday Funday in the pool - so I had to get up early and get my game face on.  I went and picked her up and SHE brought some strawberry vodka and crystal light.  That shit was yummy too!  And that afternoon session went into the evening when HER husband got off of work.  See the trend here?  It's the husbands.  They are the problem. 

Saturday, we decided to repeat Thursday because we'd had so much fun with that sisser and her husband - and we managed to kill that magnum of vodka - FINALLY.  And more friends came over and I think half the county was here at one point actually - becuase it was seven thousand and twenty two degrees that day.  By Sunday I was pretty sure the enamel had been eaten off my teeth from all the lemondade and vodka - and I hit the ceiling from pain the minute my toothbrush touched my teeth.  I walked outside and found it to EIGHT thousand and two at 11:00 a.m.  So I marched right upstairs and put on a swimming suit and invited BOTH my sissers over so they could get to know each other better.  And I'll be damned if there wasn't MORE vodka.  I thought I'd finished off all the booze in the county, but evidently I had not.  All I know is that by 7:30 I needed to go to bed and by 8:00 that's EXACTLY where I was.  Woke up this morning - thankful that all the people had gone to work and I wouldn't have to have ANOTHER party today. 

I love sitting in the pool with my sissers - talking about our husbands - and how awkward it must be for them to walk around with those private parts between their legs all the time. They must feel ridiculous - which likely also explains why they do shit that makes no sense.  Oh - and balls are ugly.  Born ugly and just get worse with age.  We decided if we had balls we'd castrate ourselves so we didn't have to have those ugly fuckers hanging around all the time.  We also wear itsty bitsy bikinis we've hijacked from our daughter's rooms and prance around in them telling each other how amazing we look.  No one is allowed to have body image issues in my pool - and no one is allowed to pass judgement or EVER say anything about anyone swimming at my house.  It's the safe place.  You comment on the suit - NOT the fact that the top looks more like a cumberband than a bra due to gravity and such.  THAT SUIT IS CUTE!!!!  Yep!  It is!  Thanks!  Do you also like my stretch marks?  I hadn't even noticed them and still can't see them.  YAY!!!! 

So today it's back to the grindstone - laundry, work, meetings, SOFTBALL.  And I think I need to stay out of the pool.  And away from the vodka.  What if I were to fill the pool with vodka though..............

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