Sunday, November 7, 2010

ROWE - - - A List Revisited

A few months ago, my company made the decision to implement a new work culture - ROWE.  When we first decided to make this transition, I made a list of what this transition meant for ME, as a person, and how it would impact MY personal life.  You can see that list here.  But what I want to do now is revisit that list to see just how much of that held true.

I can wear those kick-ass tights that look like tattoos all over - and I won't give a crap what anyone thinks.  I have not worn those tights yet.  Although I have put them on twice - I've determined I do not like the dress that I had planned to wear with them.  And everytime I put them on the husband says, "I don't know why you would even want to wear those things."  I'm going to wear them one day just to piss him off.  As soon as I find a dress that I like. 

I can get me some groovy boots and cool clothes and be that creative soul I've always dreamed of being.  Okay - I got two new pair of boots.  But I don't know that I'd consider them "groovy" - but I have been expanding my creative soul as it pertains to my clothing - but bottom line is this:  I'm a conformist.  So I guess I'm not going to actually wear groovy clothes and put myself "out there" in the spotlight.  I'm not creative and as soon as I realize that the happier I will be.

I can take daytime exercise classes - like Zumba - and get back that 20 year old body I once had. HA!  I haven't explored even finding a Zumba class in town.  I have, however, been trying to walk frequently.  Both outdoors and on the new treadmill we got.  Exercise is not something I enjoy for some reason.  But I continue to try and push forward.

I can go eat lunch with my youngest.  I despise eating with youngsters - a whole group of them - and their heinous school lunches.  So I forgot I even put this on my list.  But now that I see it on there - I will make a point to do this AT LEAST ONCE this school year.  Because I know it will delight her. 

I can be home when she gets on the bus and home when she gets off the bus.  This I have done nearly every day.  Likely 98% of the time I am here for this.  I am grateful for this time with her and while it's not known if it provides an immediate joy to her - I know that one day she will have an appreciation for this time.

I can make certain my family is eating healthy every single day - not just a few times a week.  This is pretty much working out well.  Except for the last week - when I did not put a single vegetable or fruit on the table at any meal.  I fell into a slump.  I went on an all-carb vacation and it's time to return to healthy eating.

I can go watch my son play his first college baseball game.  I did go watch him play a game!!!  So that's good.  And I look forward to more of these opportunities in the spring. 

I can be here for my 15 year old daughter as she travels through the next few years of her life.
  I'm here.  But it's become obvious to me (painfully so) that I don't have a clue how to be a mother to a 15 year old daughter.  My mom had me when she was 16, my mom moved out when I was 16.  I have no good personal experience on how to mother a daughter.  I have found myself expecting her to know what to do and to be independent and strong.  So now I have to figure out what I SHOULD be doing at this age and what kind of support I SHOULD and NEED to be providing to her. 

I can go for those walks with my cousin at lunch that we enjoy so much.
While I HAVE walked, I haven't been on a single walk with my cousin. 

I can get the invoicing done for my husband's business and help him build that to an even higher level if that's his dream.  He's been on the same job since I transitioned my work schedule to a ROWE - so there has been no invoicing that needs done.

So you see - those things that I THOUGHT I wanted to achieve when I went into a ROWE - I haven't really done any of them.  BUT - I will tell you this:  I FEEL more in control of my life.  I don't feel like it's reeling out of control any longer.  Except over the last two weeks, when I HAD to be places at specific times of the day for work related functions - it hit me again - OUT OF CONTROL.  I reverted back to my place of discontent of monumental proportions.  I stopped cleaning.  Cooking.  Laundry.  All things halted because I was trying to get places at certain times.  And I couldn't cope in any other manner but to hide in my bed.  So this week, I'm looking forward to getting back on track - where life and work are one and the transition from one to the other is void.  

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