Thursday, November 4, 2010


So, you know I work primarily from home.  But not for the last week I don't.  Oh hell no.  I had to actually leave the damned house last week - THREE DAYS IN A ROW.  And drive 75 miles each way to attend a conference my company was hosting.  Which was all well and good and the conference was nice and I enjoyed seeing my colleagues and interacting with our clients.  But the DRIVE and the ACT of leaving the house damned near did me in.

And then this week I had to leave the house 3 times to attend work related events and this whole getting up and dressed and shit ON A SCHEDULE has me totally pissed off.  I had NO idea how accustomed to doing my own thing on my own schedule I had become.

And Aunt Flo fucking stopped by for the week - you know - to spread joy and cheer throughout the universe.  So my ability to cope with the slightest upset in plans has been completely lost.  Today I looked up and it was 4:30 - and no dinner was prepared.  Shit.  Damn this dinner thing anyway.  But I scrambled and threw together some homemade mac-n-cheese with hamburger in it. The blonde asked why I didn't just buy Hamburger Helper.  I don't know blonde.  I don't know.  Because I'm an over-achiever and like to make my life as difficult as possible?  Or maybe I think I'm doing you all a favor by not feeding you boxed food?  But I haven't put a fruit or vegetable on the table for a week.  Mother Of The Year is once again lost.

And I haven't been on the treadmill in that long either.  And evidently I have self-image issues because when I look in the mirror I see FAT ASS TUB O' LARD because I haven't been on the treadmill.  And the brunette told me I was just 1 pound away from anorexia.  Which is a total exaggeration.  I don't know where she gets that trait.  I really don't.

Tomorrow night I'm going to a concert with my mom.  I've NEVER been to a concert with my mom.  I don't know that I've been anywhere but to the mall or to a craft show with my mom.  A ROCK CONCERT.  HEART!!!  I am totally stressed.  What to wear?  I bought a million outfits.  Tonight I made the family watch as I tried them each on.  And FINALLY we all agreed on one.  We'll see if that's the one I actually wear tomorrow night or not.

Mom doesn't smoke.  I do.  Mom hates cigarette smoke.  I respect her so I respect her desire to not be around it.  I'll be taking some Nicorette gum with me to the outing.

Mom likes to maybe have a drink.  Maybe two.  I like to drink the bar dry.  I'll be trying to pace myself before the concert so as to be able to actually WALK and maneuver the seating in my 4" heels without totally embarrassing my mom.

Mom wants to hear Barracuda.  I want to hear Crazy on You.

We're like peas and carrots - me and mom.

I'm a nervous wreck.  And yet - there's something inherently wrong with that picture. 

I'm sure we'll have a blast!  The husband has agreed to be our driver for the night!  He's a good sport. I love him.  Even if Aunt Flo hates his fucking guts, I adore him.  She's threatened to kick his ass more than once in the last 5 days. Good thing I'm around to save him.  I hope he appreciates that.  I'm not sure he completely understands how many times I have saved him from her hands that are desperate to just fucking strangle his neck.  How many times I've instructed her to just keep her mouth shut when she's begging to tell him to just SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP.  How many times I've sent her ass to bed when she's yearning to give him a piece of her mind.

I'm totally under-appreciated.

P.S. - Forgot I was supposed to be on a "positive" kick - go figure.  So here's my positive thought of the day:  I'm so glad we had food in the house so that I could throw together that dinner spur of the moment.

I only wish someone else had prepared it so I didn't have to.  - - - Jesus.  This still isn't coming naturally to me.

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