Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Lasagna and Other Matters Less Important

Recently I received a text from a friend while at the grocery store.  Turns out she was also at the grocery store and her text was a grocery emergency regarding my lasagna recipe I'd shared with her:

Her:  I'm at the you use spaghetti sauce in the lasagna or tomato sauce? And I saw the snots on Sunday at [local festival name].

Me:  Spag sauce.  I hate those snots. I actually use tomato sauce and that dry spag sauce mix in the gravy aisle

Her: Thanks!  That's what I remember, the dry.  [More on snots seen at local festival]

So I'm all thinking she's good to go on the lasagna and such and moved on with my life like I often do after a benign conversation about sauce and snots.  But oh hell no - TWO days later I receive another text from her.

Her:  I'm being a pain in the ass.  [that's no shit] How long do you cook the lasagna?  My computer crashed and I lost everything. [likely story - it's just easier to text me than it is to actually LOOK for the information I've previously provided to you]

Me:  Hell if I know!  Let's say 60 min if at room temp, 90 if out of fridge? 

Her:  Temp?  I think 425 or 375.  Otherwise I'm gonna wing it.

Me:  I cook everything on 350

Her:  Sounds good.  Thanks.

So seriously.  Did it take her 2 days to assemble that lasagna and she was just now getting ready to cook it?  Or what the hell was taking her so long to get that shit in the oven I'll never know.  But what I did know is that all of a sudden, I had a hankerin for some lasagna myself.  So that day, I went out and purchased all the ingredients for my now world famous much sought after lasagna recipe. 

And that night (see I'm efficient - I do shit on the same day) as I mixed the ricotta cheese with the eggs, I had this strange feeling that it didn't "feel right".  The consistency was off.  But I just kept mixing along.  Then as I worked on assembling the layers, when I got to the part to spread the ricotta on the mess, it hit me:  THIS FUCKING RECIPE DOESN'T CALL FOR RICOTTA - IT CALLS FOR COTTAGE CHEESE.  WHAT.THE.FUCK.  I have NEVER used ricotta in lasagna - well once I did and I didn't like it which is how my recipe came to NOT.USE.RICOTTA but instead USE.COTTAGE.CHEESE. 

So.  This is your fault friend in need of help at grocery store that day.  You asked me so many damned questions about my lasagna that even I forgot my own recipe and and had to choke down dry ass lasagna - 15 pounds of it to be exact. 


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