I really do. I could barely sleep a wink last night. Tossing and turning. Gut wrenching guilt and regret. I am perfectly able bodied. Yet, I haven't walked a single step on my treadmill in over 3 weeks. I am perfectly healthy and yet I don't get my lazy ass up and moving and make the most of every single day of my life. I take everything with which I have been blessed for granted and abuse it. It's shameful. It's a disgrace and I make myself SICK.
I met this beautiful young woman in 2004 - she was the event coordinator at the hotel where my 20th class reunion AND wedding were held that year. Yesterday she went to heaven. And I am SICK. Of myself. I didn't know her well and I won't claim to. I cannot imagine how the people that did know her well feel right now - because I am wrought with sorrow and grief over her passing for some reason. Because she's young? Because she left behind a young daughter? Because I knew her in passing? Or because she was everything I am not and was forced, by cause of a horrible disease, to really seize life by the horns and live it to the fullest extent because she knew she wouldn't have much time here? I don't know why I feel the way I do, honestly. But what I do know is something has GOT to change and I pray that it's not a disease that drives that change in me. God Bless her family, her friends and her soul. Let her courage and strength, beauty and grace be a guide for how we should all live our lives and count our blessings daily.