cheated the blonde. I have been so incredibly busy at work that honestly in the evening, I cannot remember what I've worked on throughout the day. It's a constant blur of movement from one activity/project to the other. Just getting shit done. Yesterday was no different. I'm training a new employee and if you've ever had to do this, you will understand that it is taxing - regardless of how bright and quick to learn the new employee is. The constant sound of my voice instructing and teaching makes me weary and by the end of the day I was spent. It likely didn't help matters that I haven't been sleeping that well - getting up at insane hours of the morning and unable to sleep through the night successfully. WAH WAH WAH.
Anyway, I got home a little after 5:30 and the blonde was starving. STARVING. 86 the pork chops I thought I'd cook (AGAIN) - and go to plan B - bean tostadas. They're super fast and easy. 10 minutes from pantry to table. Amidst the chaos, the blonde announces that it is "Tech Night" at her school. WHAT? I thought for certain I had successfully missed that fucking event. And the thought of going over to that teeny school, parking 1/2 mile away and walking along a country road to the building, then being cramped inside with a bunch of screaming kids while they run from room to room checking out the technology - all a guise for the PTO wanting money to purchase more technology - was just more than I could handle. So I told her I did not want to go. I looked over at her and there she stood - the blue flier in hand - staring at it. And my heart ached for her. It really did. It still does, actually. And for a fleeting moment, I considered mustering up the energy to entertain her request, but then she flitted off to another room and engaged herself in a different activity - so I figured I had won that battle.
I have GOT to change my attitude toward HER activities. How do other parents with multiple children - those that are spread out in age like mine - handle this? With the prodigal son, I was VERY involved - it was new - he was my first. I was naive and thought it was fun. With the brunette, I became less interested in school related activities and events as I noticed that in the end, the shit wasn't fun and after graduation - it just doesn't matter. But with the blonde - I can't even muster up the energy to fake a desire to participate in that shit. And I wonder what it does to her. The baby. The one who never got to attend anything outside of normal school hours because her parents were too tired. Sick of the bullshit. Worn out from the chaos. Fully aware that after graduation - it just doesn't matter. Irritated the schools even have this shit - any of it. Talent shows, skating parties, exercise nights. Why? They're there for an education - aren't they? If the PTO wants money for technology - just ask - I'll send you some. But I don't need to attend some screaming mimi activity at the school to be convinced. As a matter of fact, I'm more apt to give you more money if you just leave me the fuck alone and quit hosting this shit.
But at the end of the day, and at the first glimpse of dawn - the guilt of not participating and allowing her the opportunity to have these experiences overwhelms me and I know I have to change my approach. If you have children spread out in age - how do you do it? What tips and advice can you offer me to help me?