Thursday, October 14, 2010

Taking Inventory

I work primarily from home these days.  I prefer it that way.  I can work the first few hours of the dawn in my jammies.  I can take a walk whenever I want.  And I can fart if I need to without worrying about who's around.  It's the little things that matter.

Today, between calls, I decided to walk around and take inventory of this place.  My new office.  I needed to know just exactly what is going on around me whilst I sit in front of my computer all day.  I did find the most interesting things and I'd like to share them with you.

First, these two cats - under a bush in my front yard:
It's difficult to see the one on the left - but hopefully my perfectly drawn arrows will provide some assistance.  Those two.  Yesterday I caught them enveloped in each other's arms, making out.  I suggested they get a room.  I guess this is their room now.

So that made me wonder where the 3rd cat was hiding, so I went in search of him.  He was likely out hunting, or chasing squirrels or maybe even fending off a racoon somewhere.  He's a tough Tom like that.  But after a few minutes of calling for him to come hither from the surrounding forest of trees (to no avail), I found him here:

In a lawn chair.  In the garage.  Sleeping under bushes isn't his style.  He's far more human-like than that.  My God but these animals are lazy.  I was certain my ol' hound was busy chasing off snakes.  Or standing guard of my house.  Certainly he must be in the driveway - like a sentry - protecting me while I was in the house working:

Lazy.  There he was - just lying in the front yard - next to his "bone".  He can't have real bones because he pukes them up on my bedroom floor, so he's relegated to just retrieving old logs from the forest and chewing on those.  I'm sure it's great for his digestive tract.

But what.the.fuck is this?

A drunk penguin.  Lying in my yard.  That fucking penguin.  I knew when we brought him home from my dad's a few weeks ago this would NOT end well.  I thought the dog might tear him to pieces.  Or the husband might kick his ass to the curb.  But no.  His ultimate demise was the booze.  I knew it would be the night we brought him home and he sat in my garage, donning my hat and hogging the husband's whiskey. 

Penguins are a pain in the ass.

As I continued my inventory around the front yard - I was SHOCKED! to find that someone had already decorated the house for Halloween!  The blonde will be delighted!!! 

YAY!!!!  Halloween Decorations!!!
When I went back inside to return to my desk, I was somewhat taken aback by this:

The drapes.  In my now office.  NOT EVENLY HUNG. 

Lived here for over 5 years and I've never noticed that.  Now it's driving me NUTS.  Fortunately my back faces that window most of the day so I don't have to see their unevenness.  But I added it to the list of shit the husband needs to fix anyway.  And I made a note- to not let drunk penguins hang your drapes. 

They just end up passed out in your front yard anyway.  No wonder the neighbors won't wave at me.  The husband thinks it's because I scowl at them and give them that look of "who the fuck are you and why are you waving" when they drive by.  HA!  Fuck that.  It's HIS drunken penguins lying around the yard, along with the slew of snoozing animals AND our Halloween decorations that are likely the off-putting features of this house.  NOT me.

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