Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Healthy Choices

So, my gal over at Raisin-A-Ruckus has been carrying on about some cleansing diet she tried.  Something about eating only fresh fruits and vegetables and that kind of crap.  Don't get me wrong - I enjoy a healthy eating life-style also.  I just go about it a little differently.  I don't try fad diets, or cleansing diets, or any of that other lose weight fast crap.  Instead, I try to think about what I put in my mouth and ask myself "Is this nourishing my body?  Or just adding non-nourishing calories?"  And because I ask myself that question - I'm able to at least stop and think it over before I make the decision to proceed.

It's rather tricky - but let me show you a few examples so you can see how easy this approach can actually be:

 Is this a good choice?  Whiskey & Diet Coke.  What is the nutritional value in this selection?  OR - is this a better choice:

Vodka with Cran-Pomegranate Juice.   I think the latter is the better choice when considering nutritional value.  I think Cranberries AND Pomegranates are good for you and contain a lot of antioxidants.  So Option B is better in this case.  (Although from the looks of the small amount left in the booze bottle in Option A, I think it's clearly obvious which one I more frequently run to.  - BUT it's DIET coke - so it doesn't have any calories.  Just aspertame which will cause neurosis - which is no big deal because I already have that, so what's a little more going to hurt, right?)

Moving along.  Should I put this in my mouth?

Likely so.  Unlike those other American-made cigarettes that cause heart disease, lung cancer and small birth weights or still-born babies, these cigarettes just contain carbon monoxide.  This is a healthy choice, and besides that - for breakfast I ate this:

Which offsets the carbon monoxide I think.  So it's all good.  And don't those oats looking fucking delicious?  YUM!!!

Another example.  Which cheese should you pick?

No dumbass.  NOT the one on the left.  Jesus. That shit has so many fucking preservatives in it that I don't even think it's real food anymore.  You can leave that shit out on the counter for eleventy nine hundred days and it will never spoil.  Select the one on the right.  It's FRESH.

Raisin-A-Ruckus also brags blogs about eating prunes.  So, I figured, what the hell!  I'll give them a try.  I hear they're really really good for you.  And one serving is only 7 prunes - which is like 7 plums, right?  And who the fuck has time to sit around and eat 7 plums.  NOT.ME.  So these prunes are the answer.  Every night I force myself to eat 7 of these slimy-assed things:

Go getcha some!  If I can gag them down - so can you.

I guess the point is - don't join the diet-of-the-month club.  Just stop before you put the food/drink in your mouth and ask yourself:  IS THIS THE BEST CHOICE TO NOURISH MY BODY?  That gives you a second to reconsider your selection and possibly move to something healthier.

I'm sure I'll be contacted by a publisher and asked to write a book on healthy life-styles any day now.  So please don't be upset if I discontinue my free advice.  You can buy the book.


  1. I love it when I get to start my day laughing at the shit you write here.

  2. um, hello....I needed to lose ten pounds and lost six and I improved my diet and learned some things and I love prunes as a late night sweets alternative! My juice cleanse was good and I enjoyed every minute of it. I may do it one day a week just for kicks and grins. Since you don't have ten pounds to spare, I can see why you would be turned off by it. I on the other hand am undisciplined so I have to play games with myself to keep myself in line and on task. It's not that I don't know that Velveeta is the spawn of satin....I just love the taste... especially late at night. Isn't that what was in that dip you served in that giant bowl? Remember? the night I was eating like a ravenous dog, lapping it up? Ya, that's what I thought. Sabotager! Love you! lol.