I make myself SICK

I really do.  I could barely sleep a wink last night.  Tossing and turning.  Gut wrenching guilt and regret.  I am perfectly able bodied.  Yet, I haven't walked a single step on my treadmill in over 3 weeks.  I am perfectly healthy and yet I don't get my lazy ass up and moving and make the most of every single day of my life.  I take everything with which I have been blessed for granted and abuse it.  It's shameful.  It's a disgrace and I make myself SICK. 

I met this beautiful young woman in 2004 - she was the event coordinator at the hotel where my 20th class reunion AND wedding were held that year.  Yesterday she went to heaven.  And I am SICK.  Of myself.  I didn't know her well and I won't claim to.  I cannot imagine how the people that did know her well feel right now - because I am wrought with sorrow and grief over her passing for some reason.  Because she's young?  Because she left behind a young daughter?  Because I knew her in passing?  Or because she was everything I am not and was forced, by cause of a horrible disease, to really seize life by the horns and live it to the fullest extent because she knew she wouldn't have much time here?  I don't know why I feel the way I do, honestly.  But what I do know is something has GOT to change and I pray that it's not a disease that drives that change in me.  God Bless her family, her friends and her soul.  Let her courage and strength, beauty and grace be a guide for how we should all live our lives and count our blessings daily.