Fires... Bomb Threats and other fascinating things

Last night the blonde came home with "homework" for "us."  I hate this.  I have already been through the public school system - I don't need any more homework, butthankyouverymuchanyway.

So, I begrudgingly looked at the homework assignment.  Count the number of smoke detectors in the house.  Easy enough.  7.  Now check them.  HUH?  All of them?  We do that when the time changes - that is our schedule.  And they were throwing me all of schedule.  So we checked one.  It worked fine and we called the assignment "done."

Later, as I lie in bed, I heard the tell-tell (tell-tale, tale-tell, tail-tail??) beeps of a detector with a going-dead-but-not-quite-yet battery.  ARGH!!!  And wouldn't you know it - it was the one in the blonde's room.  Of course I did what any responsible parent would do - I quickly changed the battery because I keep a supply of 9 volt batteries sitting on alert for just these matters  ran to her room before she could hear it, pulled it off the ceiling and hid it so she wouldn't go back to school and tell her teacher what a complete fuck up I am.

Tonight, I threw some cauliflower in the oven to roast it and then went to light the grill.  When I came back in - the blonde was sitting in the living room hypnotized by the watching TV and smoke was whirling around her.  I ran to the oven and there was a huge flame coming up from something left on the bottom.  I quickly grabbed the baking soda and extinguished the blaze and the blonde never even looked up.  That fire safety lesson plan needs some tweaking, I'd say.

On a more positive fucked up note, her school had a bomb threat today and had to evacuate.  I never got the call from their emergency alert system so I had no clue that it had happened until I read about it in the paper online later in the afternoon.  Poor thing.  She must have been terrified.  It just broke my heart thinking about it.  So when she got home from school, I was certain to sufficiently quiz her on ther matter:

Me:  How was your day?

Blonde:  Boring

Me:  Boring? Didn't anything exciting happen?

Blonde:  Not really.  Oh I guess we had a REAL fire drill.  There was a small fire, about "this" big in the kitchen and so we had to go outside for like 4 hours and move from one spot to another.  There was a fire truck and a TON of police people. 

Me:  Four hours?  Outside?  Are you sure?

Blonde:  Maybe 3.  And it was in the middle of my lunch so I never got any lunch so can I have a snack?

And off she went into the house - - totally oblivious to the fear and concern I had.  And what had happened at her school today.  And how fucked up their fire safety lesson plan is. I wish I was 8 again.