So, you know I work primarily from home. But not for the last week I don't. Oh hell no. I had to actually leave the damned house last week - THREE DAYS IN A ROW. And drive 75 miles each way to attend a conference my company was hosting. Which was all well and good and the conference was nice and I enjoyed seeing my colleagues and interacting with our clients. But the DRIVE and the ACT of leaving the house damned near did me in.
And then this week I had to leave the house 3 times to attend work related events and this whole getting up and dressed and shit ON A SCHEDULE has me totally pissed off. I had NO idea how accustomed to doing my own thing on my own schedule I had become.
And Aunt Flo fucking stopped by for the week - you know - to spread joy and cheer throughout the universe. So my ability to cope with the slightest upset in plans has been completely lost. Today I looked up and it was 4:30 - and no dinner was prepared. Shit. Damn this dinner thing anyway. But I scrambled and threw together some homemade mac-n-cheese with hamburger in it. The blonde asked why I didn't just buy Hamburger Helper. I don't know blonde. I don't know. Because I'm an over-achiever and like to make my life as difficult as possible? Or maybe I think I'm doing you all a favor by not feeding you boxed food? But I haven't put a fruit or vegetable on the table for a week. Mother Of The Year is once again lost.
And I haven't been on the treadmill in that long either. And evidently I have self-image issues because when I look in the mirror I see FAT ASS TUB O' LARD because I haven't been on the treadmill. And the brunette told me I was just 1 pound away from anorexia. Which is a total exaggeration. I don't know where she gets that trait. I really don't.
Tomorrow night I'm going to a concert with my mom. I've NEVER been to a concert with my mom. I don't know that I've been anywhere but to the mall or to a craft show with my mom. A ROCK CONCERT. HEART!!! I am totally stressed. What to wear? I bought a million outfits. Tonight I made the family watch as I tried them each on. And FINALLY we all agreed on one. We'll see if that's the one I actually wear tomorrow night or not.
Mom doesn't smoke. I do. Mom hates cigarette smoke. I respect her so I respect her desire to not be around it. I'll be taking some Nicorette gum with me to the outing.
Mom likes to maybe have a drink. Maybe two. I like to drink the bar dry. I'll be trying to pace myself before the concert so as to be able to actually WALK and maneuver the seating in my 4" heels without totally embarrassing my mom.
Mom wants to hear Barracuda. I want to hear Crazy on You.
We're like peas and carrots - me and mom.
I'm a nervous wreck. And yet - there's something inherently wrong with that picture.
I'm sure we'll have a blast! The husband has agreed to be our driver for the night! He's a good sport. I love him. Even if Aunt Flo hates his fucking guts, I adore him. She's threatened to kick his ass more than once in the last 5 days. Good thing I'm around to save him. I hope he appreciates that. I'm not sure he completely understands how many times I have saved him from her hands that are desperate to just fucking strangle his neck. How many times I've instructed her to just keep her mouth shut when she's begging to tell him to just SHUT.THE.FUCK.UP. How many times I've sent her ass to bed when she's yearning to give him a piece of her mind.
I'm totally under-appreciated.
P.S. - Forgot I was supposed to be on a "positive" kick - go figure. So here's my positive thought of the day: I'm so glad we had food in the house so that I could throw together that dinner spur of the moment.
I only wish someone else had prepared it so I didn't have to. - - - Jesus. This still isn't coming naturally to me.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
I guess I'm on vacation?
..... or something. I haven't cleaned. I haven't cooked. I haven't done laundry. I haven't done a damned thing around this house since Sunday morning. And I don't care. My give a shit has got up and gone. I hope it finds its way back home soon because I'm getting sick of tripping over shit and eating handfuls of cereal.
The impending holidays have me in a foul mood already. Why must we start planning them in October? Well, I guess it is now November. But still. All this hooplah and who's going where, when and blah blah blah - it kills the spirit and fun for me. I have nothing nice to say (like I ever do). Maybe from here until January 1st I will just post something nice each day - just one nice thought. Maybe that will help encourage my attitude into a positive state?
Let's give it a whirl:
The warm sun felt wonderful on my face today!!!
(but the cool breeze up my skirt pissed me off)
This is not going to be easy, I can see that already.
The impending holidays have me in a foul mood already. Why must we start planning them in October? Well, I guess it is now November. But still. All this hooplah and who's going where, when and blah blah blah - it kills the spirit and fun for me. I have nothing nice to say (like I ever do). Maybe from here until January 1st I will just post something nice each day - just one nice thought. Maybe that will help encourage my attitude into a positive state?
Let's give it a whirl:
The warm sun felt wonderful on my face today!!!
(but the cool breeze up my skirt pissed me off)
This is not going to be easy, I can see that already.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Why is 2nd Grade such a PAIN IN THE ASS?
We had parent teacher conferences this week for the blonde - she's in 2nd grade. And her teacher is an old grouch. I'd already determined this before I met her and meeting her only confirmed my initial instinct. First off, the blonde is smart. And one of the oldest in her class because thanks to the laws in our state - she wasn't 5 by September 1st and instead turned 5 on September 20th so basically was 6 by the time she started kindergarten. It's a stupid law. It really is. Especially so, given the fact that kindergarten isn't even fucking required in this state. So explain to me how a non-required grade has laws that dictate when you can start? But wait - you can't just skip it either. Or we couldn't figure out how to skip it. Maybe we are the stupid ones.
I digress. When she was in kindergarten, she read at over a first grade level. The teacher had her reading to kids in the class that could not yet read on their own and daily she went to a first grade class (after going to the Board on our behalf and getting approval to do this) for reading. In first grade, the 2nd grade class was too full, so she couldn't go there to read, but her teacher got her hands on the 2nd grade material and was teaching her and some others from that material.
Throughout both grades, her behavior was exemplary and she was commended on her focus and dedication to school work - beyond her years.
Then she gets to second grade - with the old hag. And all of a sudden - she's reading at a level BELOW where she left off last year. She can no longer add AND her behavior is shitty. So I SUGGESTED to the teacher that the child is bored and explained to her why I thought that. She looks at me and says, "I find that hard to believe. I don't see that she's any more intelligent than the others in my class." SERIOUSLY? You just fucking showed me that on the standardized tests taken early in the year that she tests higher than you expect her to by the end of the year. So, if at the beginning of the year she tests higher than she should at the end of the year after she's been under your tutelage, one would THINK that she is bored and finds the work non-challenging, wouldn't you say?
Well. No. I mean - she sees her as a goof off, not paying attention, scoring horribly on her comprehension tests for reading. I suggested that she's not really reading the books at all and that instead perhaps she's scanning them and guessing BECAUSE SHE IS BORED. But this bitch wouldn't budge. Her granddaughter is in the gifted program - and she's BRILLIANT - she's in the 3rd grade and reads at a 7th grade level. I'm sure she does and I'm duly impressed, but I'm not really here to hear about your granddaughter and would like to get back to the blonde, if you don't mind please, kthanks.
After I make some other clear and pointed observations about how the blonde likes to be treated and how she shows me that she's bored to tears at school, she finally makes a note on a piece of paper and agrees to keep an eye out for it. THEN, the bitch admits that Grace is one of those students that's just easy to lose track of - because she just plods along, status quo so she doesn't get much attention. THANK YOU GEORGE FUCKING BUSH FOR NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND. EXCEPT for regular, smarter than usual, but not quite "gifted" children. Who are left behind to be bored and ignored in the public school system. Thank you. It's a great fucking program and it's working out quite well I'd say.
And again, why is it that the most wretched teachers are those that teach 2nd grade? I had a horrible 2nd grade teacher - you may remember I wrote about her here.
I'm still haunted by that bitch. Is it all part of the master plan of the universe? Is that the weeding out year? Ignore them and treat them like they're idiots - those that survive will become successful and those that don't - well that's just too damned bad? Fuck her. And yes. I'm pissed. Granted, the blonde could be more organized. And watch less TV. And we could probably get her engaged with social activities that include people her age instead of having her play beer pong with us on the weekends - and I'll commit to being a better parent to her in that regard. But I want this wretch of a woman to get off her high horse and be the educator she's getting paid to be.
She's crossed the wrong mama here.
I digress. When she was in kindergarten, she read at over a first grade level. The teacher had her reading to kids in the class that could not yet read on their own and daily she went to a first grade class (after going to the Board on our behalf and getting approval to do this) for reading. In first grade, the 2nd grade class was too full, so she couldn't go there to read, but her teacher got her hands on the 2nd grade material and was teaching her and some others from that material.
Throughout both grades, her behavior was exemplary and she was commended on her focus and dedication to school work - beyond her years.
Then she gets to second grade - with the old hag. And all of a sudden - she's reading at a level BELOW where she left off last year. She can no longer add AND her behavior is shitty. So I SUGGESTED to the teacher that the child is bored and explained to her why I thought that. She looks at me and says, "I find that hard to believe. I don't see that she's any more intelligent than the others in my class." SERIOUSLY? You just fucking showed me that on the standardized tests taken early in the year that she tests higher than you expect her to by the end of the year. So, if at the beginning of the year she tests higher than she should at the end of the year after she's been under your tutelage, one would THINK that she is bored and finds the work non-challenging, wouldn't you say?
Well. No. I mean - she sees her as a goof off, not paying attention, scoring horribly on her comprehension tests for reading. I suggested that she's not really reading the books at all and that instead perhaps she's scanning them and guessing BECAUSE SHE IS BORED. But this bitch wouldn't budge. Her granddaughter is in the gifted program - and she's BRILLIANT - she's in the 3rd grade and reads at a 7th grade level. I'm sure she does and I'm duly impressed, but I'm not really here to hear about your granddaughter and would like to get back to the blonde, if you don't mind please, kthanks.
After I make some other clear and pointed observations about how the blonde likes to be treated and how she shows me that she's bored to tears at school, she finally makes a note on a piece of paper and agrees to keep an eye out for it. THEN, the bitch admits that Grace is one of those students that's just easy to lose track of - because she just plods along, status quo so she doesn't get much attention. THANK YOU GEORGE FUCKING BUSH FOR NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND. EXCEPT for regular, smarter than usual, but not quite "gifted" children. Who are left behind to be bored and ignored in the public school system. Thank you. It's a great fucking program and it's working out quite well I'd say.
And again, why is it that the most wretched teachers are those that teach 2nd grade? I had a horrible 2nd grade teacher - you may remember I wrote about her here.
I'm still haunted by that bitch. Is it all part of the master plan of the universe? Is that the weeding out year? Ignore them and treat them like they're idiots - those that survive will become successful and those that don't - well that's just too damned bad? Fuck her. And yes. I'm pissed. Granted, the blonde could be more organized. And watch less TV. And we could probably get her engaged with social activities that include people her age instead of having her play beer pong with us on the weekends - and I'll commit to being a better parent to her in that regard. But I want this wretch of a woman to get off her high horse and be the educator she's getting paid to be.
She's crossed the wrong mama here.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Healthy Choices
So, my gal over at Raisin-A-Ruckus has been carrying on about some cleansing diet she tried. Something about eating only fresh fruits and vegetables and that kind of crap. Don't get me wrong - I enjoy a healthy eating life-style also. I just go about it a little differently. I don't try fad diets, or cleansing diets, or any of that other lose weight fast crap. Instead, I try to think about what I put in my mouth and ask myself "Is this nourishing my body? Or just adding non-nourishing calories?" And because I ask myself that question - I'm able to at least stop and think it over before I make the decision to proceed.
It's rather tricky - but let me show you a few examples so you can see how easy this approach can actually be:
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Is this a good choice? Whiskey & Diet Coke. What is the nutritional value in this selection? OR - is this a better choice:
.jpg)
Vodka with Cran-Pomegranate Juice. I think the latter is the better choice when considering nutritional value. I think Cranberries AND Pomegranates are good for you and contain a lot of antioxidants. So Option B is better in this case. (Although from the looks of the small amount left in the booze bottle in Option A, I think it's clearly obvious which one I more frequently run to. - BUT it's DIET coke - so it doesn't have any calories. Just aspertame which will cause neurosis - which is no big deal because I already have that, so what's a little more going to hurt, right?)
Moving along. Should I put this in my mouth?
.jpg)
Likely so. Unlike those other American-made cigarettes that cause heart disease, lung cancer and small birth weights or still-born babies, these cigarettes just contain carbon monoxide. This is a healthy choice, and besides that - for breakfast I ate this:
.jpg)
Which offsets the carbon monoxide I think. So it's all good. And don't those oats looking fucking delicious? YUM!!!
Another example. Which cheese should you pick?
.jpg)
No dumbass. NOT the one on the left. Jesus. That shit has so many fucking preservatives in it that I don't even think it's real food anymore. You can leave that shit out on the counter for eleventy nine hundred days and it will never spoil. Select the one on the right. It's FRESH.
Raisin-A-Ruckus alsobrags blogs about eating prunes. So, I figured, what the hell! I'll give them a try. I hear they're really really good for you. And one serving is only 7 prunes - which is like 7 plums, right? And who the fuck has time to sit around and eat 7 plums. NOT.ME. So these prunes are the answer. Every night I force myself to eat 7 of these slimy-assed things:
.jpg)
Go getcha some! If I can gag them down - so can you.
I guess the point is - don't join the diet-of-the-month club. Just stop before you put the food/drink in your mouth and ask yourself: IS THIS THE BEST CHOICE TO NOURISH MY BODY? That gives you a second to reconsider your selection and possibly move to something healthier.
I'm sure I'll be contacted by a publisher and asked to write a book on healthy life-styles any day now. So please don't be upset if I discontinue my free advice. You can buy the book.
It's rather tricky - but let me show you a few examples so you can see how easy this approach can actually be:
.jpg)
Is this a good choice? Whiskey & Diet Coke. What is the nutritional value in this selection? OR - is this a better choice:
.jpg)
Vodka with Cran-Pomegranate Juice. I think the latter is the better choice when considering nutritional value. I think Cranberries AND Pomegranates are good for you and contain a lot of antioxidants. So Option B is better in this case. (Although from the looks of the small amount left in the booze bottle in Option A, I think it's clearly obvious which one I more frequently run to. - BUT it's DIET coke - so it doesn't have any calories. Just aspertame which will cause neurosis - which is no big deal because I already have that, so what's a little more going to hurt, right?)
Moving along. Should I put this in my mouth?
.jpg)
Likely so. Unlike those other American-made cigarettes that cause heart disease, lung cancer and small birth weights or still-born babies, these cigarettes just contain carbon monoxide. This is a healthy choice, and besides that - for breakfast I ate this:
.jpg)
Another example. Which cheese should you pick?
.jpg)
Raisin-A-Ruckus also
.jpg)
Go getcha some! If I can gag them down - so can you.
I guess the point is - don't join the diet-of-the-month club. Just stop before you put the food/drink in your mouth and ask yourself: IS THIS THE BEST CHOICE TO NOURISH MY BODY? That gives you a second to reconsider your selection and possibly move to something healthier.
I'm sure I'll be contacted by a publisher and asked to write a book on healthy life-styles any day now. So please don't be upset if I discontinue my free advice. You can buy the book.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Garage Saling It
Last week we had a garage sale. I hate a garage sale. I really do. BUT the crap I'd set out to get rid of was just "too good" to immediately donate so I wanted to give it a whirl and see what I could make off the crap before I decided to just run it over to the local charity store. And after 24 hours of effort, a near divorce and being jewed down more times than I can count - I walked away with $280!!! WOO HOO!!!! All worth it in the end!
Well - the brunette and I had gotten our hairs did - so that garage sale money paid for that! And it paid for the new shelves we built in the now cleaned out basement. And then we decided to buy a new TV for our bedroom - so I just kept spending that money over and over and over! Until, it appears I'll need to have ANOTHER garage sale next week to pay for all the shit I bought with this $280. Oh well. Such is life.
But here's the really funny part - I haven't deposited the money into my account yet - I still have the tin of cash hidden. So REALLY? I haven't even yet TOUCHED that money so in reality - I still have the $280 to spend. I'm thinking new shoes? Maybe a new coat? Or a purse? What do you think I should buy with that money? Maybe a birthday present for the husband? I mean, I was sort of nasty to him during the garage sale. But that wasn't really MY fault. The first day of nastiness was HIS fault - he was NOT being helpful - at.all. He cleaned up the garage, and hauled all the boxes up from the basement. But then, he just kept wandering aimlessly behind me re-organizing the treasures and it was confusing me because I couldn't "see" how much of one type of thing I had to figure out how to best display it all. And then the blonde was reclaiming the treasures as soon as I was putting them on the table. And I really thought I might have a nervous breakdown.
The second day of nastiness wasn't my fault either. It was my hair's fault. I'd gone and gots my hairs did and had it perked up with red highlights. Red hair is feisty. And sassy. And doesn't take shit from anyone. So my hairs were making me say nasty shit to the husband and causing me to be bold and mouthy.
But the third day - he was trying to tell me my hairs were still making me feisty - but he is clueless. It was him again. Being UNhelpful. Putting shit in the "free" bin that wasn't supposed to be free. Selling shit that I had marked $15 for $1 because the "lady really needed it and you should have seen her - she didn't have any money and NEEDED THAT PHONE." How the fuck she pay for a phone service if she's that damned broke? Funny -an hour before that a couple was arguing over buying that phone for the marked price of $15 and the unhelpful one pipes up, "It just doesn't really work that great - but it's brand new - but it doesn't get good reception and we can't hear out of it." NOT HELPFUL.
Hey! Where's that bike that was for sale? Oh - he let some kid have it. He needed it and didn't have any money on him. There's a special place in heaven for people like my husband and it's called Pauperville. He's a helluva guy and an amazing jack of all trades. Highly talented. But does not possess one lick of business sense. Not one. Because running a garage sale is JUST like running a small business and because I cannot do anything halfway and because I'm high strung and anal and OCD - I wanted $15 for that damned phone and because I'm a control freak - only I can decide when to mark shit down. Shit I was otherwise going to donate. It's not free until I say it's free, dammit.
And that's how we almost ended up in a divorce over this garage sale. Oh. THAT and the fact that HE did not have one single item that was his in the sale. NOT ONE. But now that all my shit is cleared out - I think next spring we'll go through all of his and unload buckets of stuff and since it's all tools and shit like that - we will make a fortune! I've already got the money earmarked for a new shower! And a new floor! And a trip to Disney Land! And....
Cripes. I suck at earmarking money. But at least I got new hairs AND a new TV!!!
Well - the brunette and I had gotten our hairs did - so that garage sale money paid for that! And it paid for the new shelves we built in the now cleaned out basement. And then we decided to buy a new TV for our bedroom - so I just kept spending that money over and over and over! Until, it appears I'll need to have ANOTHER garage sale next week to pay for all the shit I bought with this $280. Oh well. Such is life.
But here's the really funny part - I haven't deposited the money into my account yet - I still have the tin of cash hidden. So REALLY? I haven't even yet TOUCHED that money so in reality - I still have the $280 to spend. I'm thinking new shoes? Maybe a new coat? Or a purse? What do you think I should buy with that money? Maybe a birthday present for the husband? I mean, I was sort of nasty to him during the garage sale. But that wasn't really MY fault. The first day of nastiness was HIS fault - he was NOT being helpful - at.all. He cleaned up the garage, and hauled all the boxes up from the basement. But then, he just kept wandering aimlessly behind me re-organizing the treasures and it was confusing me because I couldn't "see" how much of one type of thing I had to figure out how to best display it all. And then the blonde was reclaiming the treasures as soon as I was putting them on the table. And I really thought I might have a nervous breakdown.
The second day of nastiness wasn't my fault either. It was my hair's fault. I'd gone and gots my hairs did and had it perked up with red highlights. Red hair is feisty. And sassy. And doesn't take shit from anyone. So my hairs were making me say nasty shit to the husband and causing me to be bold and mouthy.
But the third day - he was trying to tell me my hairs were still making me feisty - but he is clueless. It was him again. Being UNhelpful. Putting shit in the "free" bin that wasn't supposed to be free. Selling shit that I had marked $15 for $1 because the "lady really needed it and you should have seen her - she didn't have any money and NEEDED THAT PHONE." How the fuck she pay for a phone service if she's that damned broke? Funny -an hour before that a couple was arguing over buying that phone for the marked price of $15 and the unhelpful one pipes up, "It just doesn't really work that great - but it's brand new - but it doesn't get good reception and we can't hear out of it." NOT HELPFUL.
Hey! Where's that bike that was for sale? Oh - he let some kid have it. He needed it and didn't have any money on him. There's a special place in heaven for people like my husband and it's called Pauperville. He's a helluva guy and an amazing jack of all trades. Highly talented. But does not possess one lick of business sense. Not one. Because running a garage sale is JUST like running a small business and because I cannot do anything halfway and because I'm high strung and anal and OCD - I wanted $15 for that damned phone and because I'm a control freak - only I can decide when to mark shit down. Shit I was otherwise going to donate. It's not free until I say it's free, dammit.
And that's how we almost ended up in a divorce over this garage sale. Oh. THAT and the fact that HE did not have one single item that was his in the sale. NOT ONE. But now that all my shit is cleared out - I think next spring we'll go through all of his and unload buckets of stuff and since it's all tools and shit like that - we will make a fortune! I've already got the money earmarked for a new shower! And a new floor! And a trip to Disney Land! And....
Cripes. I suck at earmarking money. But at least I got new hairs AND a new TV!!!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
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